Unwell
by RMTNDEW
Summary: Layla's the new nurse at Professor Xavier's school and her relationship with Logan is finally out in the open. But there's a twist, she's hearing voices and not doing what they say quickly becomes a task that may prove deadly for her and those around her.
1. The Start

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to anything X-Men or Marvel related, nor do I own the rights to the matchbox 20 song 'Unwell', but I'm ripping them both off and using them for my own amusment and hopefully yours as well. So, please review, I don't care what it's for, I just want to know what everyone thinks. If you don't like something, tell me so that I can change it next time and perhaps better my writing.Now on with the show!

* * *

Unwell

"Here, I found this in my room," Logan said to me, lying a cross necklace that I had lost the week before on the table in the library, where I was sitting.

I turned to look up at him and smiled. "Thank you, I've been going crazy looking for it," I said, picking it up and slipping it on over my head, around my neck.

I'm Layla Jameson, twenty-four years old and I live at Professor Xavier's school for the gifted, where I was working as a Registered Nurse under the training of Dr. Jean Grey. I had been a student there and when Dr. Grey heard that I was going to school to become a nurse, she invited me to work with her. Although I was living in the south in Tennessee at the time, I thought it would be a good idea and opportunity because I knew that I could train well under her. So, I packed up and once again, moved up north to Westchester County, New York. When I had lived there before, I was young, arriving when I was fourteen and right after I turned eighteen, I went back home so that I could go to college. Once I was through with my classes, I moved. Shortly after I moved back, I met Logan, whom I hated to begin with, but after a few weeks, I gave in and found out that he wasn't as bad as he seemed.

"Listen, Jean knows a really good doctor in New York City that wants to help you," he said, sitting down beside me.

"I'm sick of doctors Logan, they can't do anymore for me than what's already been done, and all they'll want to do is put me on more medication. I just want to go on with how things are now, I feel good on most days and I don't want anymore medicine because if it starts interfering with what I'm taking right now, it's just going to take longer to figure out the proper dosages for me again. I know you mean well, but this is it; I'm not going to get any better than what I am so you have to decided whether you want this or not," I said and every voice in my head screamed at me. They said that I was stupid, ugly and not worth wasting my own breath on, so why would he choose me? They were all loud and yelling different things at once, so while he spoke I had to concentrate extremely hard on what he was saying, paying close attention to his mouth so that I could make out the words. As I waited to hear what his answer was going to be, I couldn't help but think of how much easier it had been eight months before when neither of us knew just _how _sick I was.

* * *

"Don't get up; you don't deserve to even move. Stay right where you're at and no one will ever miss you," a foggy voice resounded in my mind as I woke from a fitful nights sleep.

I grunted. "Shut up," I said aloud sleepily.

There had been a small voice in my head that had grown over the course of the two months that I had been at school, to a mind filling sound, usually telling me that I shouldn't get up from my bed in the morning. That's when it was the loudest; as I was slipping from my sleeping subconscious to a fully woken state, he attacked me. I say 'he' because the voice was that of a male's. He would tell me that I wasn't worth living, that no one loved me or cared whether I lived or died. There was a time when I nearly started believing him, but then there was Logan. I had started seeing him nearly a month before and although the voice in my head told me that he didn't care about me and was only using me, parts of me knew that it wasn't true. Therefore, every morning when he told me that no one would even miss me if I stayed in bed and died in my room, I would remind him of Logan, which was enough to get me up and to breakfast.

"Good morning Layla," Scott said, smiling as he passed me in the hall.

"Good morning Scott," I replied.

He stopped and turned around to look at me. "It's nice to hear that you've finally started calling me Scott instead of Mr. Summers,"

"Well, I figure that since I'm working with your wife now we can be a little bit more casual with on another. Also, it's really hard to get out of the habit of calling you by a name that I called you for nearly ten years."

He smiled at me. "Are you going down to breakfast?"

"Yeah,"

"Care you walk with me?"

I smiled back at him. "Sure," I said, joining him where he was standing and then walking with him down the hall.

"So, a little birdy told me that you and Logan are going out," he said to me with a sly smirk.

I let out a laugh. "A little birdy, yeah, I work every day with your psychic wife, but I'm sure that doesn't have anything to do with it, does it?"

"My wife would _never_ read your mind and then tell me what she saw, or heard," he smiled.

I smiled back and shook my head. "I know that, I told her about it,"

"You told her but you didn't tell me? I thought _I_ was your favorite teacher?"

"Well I thought that _you_ told _me_ that we would just glaze over the whole teacher-student thing while I was here?"

"That's true but that's even more reason for you to tell me; I can't get you in trouble for it now,"

"You never got me in trouble before,"

"You were a good student,"

"Thank you,"

"But I _was_ your favorite teacher though, right?"

I let out another laugh. "Absolutely, you were fantastic…you still are, actually,"

"He doesn't really think you were a good student, he thinks you're stupid, which you are," I heard a male's voice say to me.

"Excuse me?" I asked offended as I turned around to face the man who, apparently, thought that I was stupid. However, I didn't see anyone. I looked all around before realizing that Scott and I were the only two in the hallway.

"Who are you talking to?" Scott asked me.

"He thinks you're crazy; you're talking to people who aren't there," the voice said to me in my head. He was new, I had never heard him before and I felt completely stupid and embarrassed to have answered a voice that only I could hear.

"Sorry, I thought I heard someone behind us, I guess I was just hearing things," I blushed apologetically.

"That's what you get when living in a house with underage telepaths; they think it's fun to get inside your head,"

I forced a smile and tucked my curly brown hair behind my ears. "Rotten kids, I was never that bad, was I?"

"No, you were unusually good, which makes me think now that you were actually up to something the whole time you were here," I smiled for real that time and we continue our walk.

Although to begin with, I myself had actually thought that one of the students was messing with me and projecting thoughts into my mind. However, after enough time, I realized that it was my own mind doing it to me rather than a bored teenager. I didn't tell anyone because at that point, it wasn't enough to interrupt my life; it was merely an annoyance. That and I didn't want to embarrass myself by bringing up that I heard voices in my head. People hear things all the time, they have negative inner voices, I just rationalized that mine was male because I felt as though I didn't get enough attention from my father growing up as he was usually away on business trips. That day was the first time I had heard more than one voice, though and I began to worry slightly if perhaps it was more than just a negative inner voice. However, it was breakfast time and I had to shake it off or otherwise I was afraid everyone would think that I was going crazy, which, although I had assumed would happen one day when I was younger, I was fairly certain that wasn't the case at that time.

I was sitting at the staff table, in between Scott and Logan, eating a bowl of cereal, when someone came up behind me and smacked me on the back of the head. Choking, I turned to see Bobby Drake laughing.

"Bobby!" Rogue warned as he sat down beside her and across from me on the other side of the table.

"Just because you hit a growth spurt and became taller than me while I was gone, doesn't mean that I'm not still older than you," I said to him with a smirk. I was two years older than Bobby was and had gone to school with him for a couple of years before I graduated and went back home. His friend John had had a crush on my when I, quite frankly, really couldn't stand him. He was cocky, immature and down right irritating. He always sent Bobby to talk to me to see if I liked him too. I always replied with a big, resounding 'no'. However, through it all, Bobby and I sort of became friends. The two of us would usually end up playing a game of basketball as he tried to talk me into going out with John, where I would, for the most part, win. "And besides, you're sill not _that_ much taller than me,"

"Can my husband act like an adult for just one day, or is that too much to ask? What are you gonna' do when our baby's born, you can't teach it that they can go around hittin' people in the back of the head just 'cause they think it's funny,"

"I'm sorry Marie, I won't do it anymore," Bobby apologized.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to Layla, she's the one you hit,"

I had only met Rogue for the first time when I moved in, but she seemed nice enough. However, in the two months that I had been there, her pregnancy hormones had kicked in and she seemed to be a little more irritated by things, usually little things and mostly done by Bobby or Logan. I knew that everyone else was relieved by it because, honestly, it took the heat off the rest of us.

"I'm sorry Layla, I won't hit you anymore," Bobby said quietly.

I smiled at him. "It's find, don't worry about it," I said, taking a sip of my orange juice.

"Good, so when are you and Logan getting married?" he asked.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, choking on my drink.

"Bobby!" Rogue said once again in a hushed hiss.

"What?" he asked, looking around the table and smiling sheepishly at a growling Logan. "Does everyone not know they're going out?"

After recovering from my choking, I laughed and shook my head while Logan continued to let out a small growl under his breath. "It's fine, no we hadn't told anyone yet, but we figured that everyone would know by now,"

"I thought you said you told Jean?" Scott said.

"_This_ is why I don't tell you stuff; can you just keep quiet, Scott?" I asked, turning to him.

"You told Jean and Scooter?" Logan asked me.

"No, I told _Jean_ and _she_ told Scooter, I mean Scott," I said, getting confused.

"Scott, you told her that I told you?" Jean asked, sounding upset.

"No, not exactly, I just told her that _someone_ told me that they were going out, she was the one who mentioned that she told you, not me," he defended.

"Oh, that's real mature, blame me," I said, rolling my eyes. "All right, yes, Logan and I are…going out, or whatever, is that okay with everyone or do any of you have a problem with that?" I asked, surveying the table. "No? All right then, no more funny looks toward us while we're together now, we both know exactly why you snicker and wink at us. We may not be so great at keeping a relationship secret, but ya'll are shoddy at pretending you don't know what's going on,"

"Well, as much as I'm enjoying this delightful conversation, I must go and prepare for classes now," Professor Xavier said sarcastically, wheeling away from the table and giving me a wink as he passed by.

After breakfast, everyone headed to their jobs respectively. However, Logan stopped me in the hall as I was following Jean into the infirmary.

"Can we talk for a second?" he asked.

"He wants to break up with you," the new voice in my head said at the same time.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked. As they had both been speaking at the same time, all I heard was 'can we break up with you for a second?' and I wasn't sure which had been the one to mention breaking up.

"I said can we talk for a second?" he repeated.

"Oh, yeah," I said and turned to Jean.

"Take your time," she smiled kindly, continuing down the hall.

He waited until he knew that she was out of earshot before he spoke again. "I thought we weren't gonna' say anything for a while?" he asked.

"Come on, do you honestly think she didn't already know before I told her? Even Bobby knew what was going on with us and _he's_ not a psychic. Besides, I needed _someone_ to talk to about it. Are you mad at me?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "I'm thinkin' about it," he joked sarcastically with a small smirk.

"Well keep right on thinking about it, I have to get to work and so do you. You can tell me if you're mad or not at lunch," I smiled back.

"All right, come here," he said, pulling me to him and giving me a small, sweet kiss.

"Be good, don't work the kids too hard," I said.

"I'll try," he murmured against my lips, nuzzling his nose with mine. "Don't give any of the sick kids the wrong medicine; Chuck might have to fire you if you kill any of the students,"

"Shut up, I'm not going to kill any of the kids, you are such a jerk," I laughed.

He gave me another kiss. "I may be but that doesn't stop you from wantin' me," he smirked.

"You not only just proved my point but I now know that you're extremely conceded as well. Thank you for that,"

"Just admit it, you want me,"

"I have a job Logan, I don't have time to stand out here, boosting your ego anymore than it already is," I said with a smile, pulling away from him and turning to go down the hall. "Oh, and Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"I like you,"

He smiled at me and shook his head. "What?"

"I really like you," I smiled and he looked at my confused. "It's not a trick or a test or anything; I just wanted to let you know that I like you,"

He blinked at me and nodded his head. "You too, darlin',"

"He's lying," the old voice in my head told me, which made me wonder if maybe, for once, he was right.

"I'll see you at lunch," I said, fighting the new doubt that was swelling inside of me.

He must have known something was wrong, because he turned back around to look at me. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. "You better get to work or you might be the one who gets fired,"

"All right, see you later," he said, then turned back around and walked down the hall. I stood and watched him until he turned the corner and I could no longer see him.

Work was hard for me; it was difficult for me to concentrate on everything that Jean was saying because the new voice in my head seemed to want to talk more than the other one did, in addition, causing the other one to talk more as well. They would speak loudly and they sounded as though they weren't in my head, but as if they were talking right to me, like Jean, and so when they would all three talk together, I had a hard time understanding who was saying what. Then when a student would show up, I felt as though there was total chaos going on around me. Dr. Grey must have known I was having a hard time, because when it came time to break for lunch, she told me that I could have the rest of the day off. I decided to take her up on the offer and once lunch was over with, I followed Logan to his classroom to wait for his next class to start.

"Why do you have so many of those?" he asked me, pointing to the cross necklace that I was wearing and absentmindedly playing with.

I looked down at it. "Don't tell him, you'll only make a fool of yourself and look stupid. He doesn't really care about why, he only asked because it annoys him," one of the voices told me.

"No special reason, I just like them. Why, does it bother you?"

"Would you can if it did?" he smirked.

"Not really, no," I said with a real smile. "But do they?"

"Why would it bother me?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, I just thought it might," I said as the door to his classroom swung open and the first handful of students walked in. I hopped off his desk, on which I had been sitting on the edge. "I'll see you when classes let out, yeah?" I asked.

"Yeah, bye," he said to me as I turned to leave the room.

I smiled politely and said 'hi' to a few of the students in passing before making my way out into the hall. I was walking for a few minutes before I stopped. Everyone was in class except for me and it was quiet. I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling of silence. There were no teenagers laughing and talking, no teachers calling after students to slow down, no loud voices in my head. There was only silence and it felt nice. I hadn't been in complete quiet for months, but right then, I took in a deep breath and it felt good.

"You could have peace and quiet if you were dead. It would be easy, just take a knife from the kitchen drawer and slit your wrist. You could do it and no one would care, not even Logan, because all he's doing is making you look like an idiot. He doesn't care about you, he's just leading you on, it's just a joke to him," the new voice said to me.

"Just shut up; Logan is _not_ leading my on as a joke and I most certainly am not going to slit my wrists, so just stop it and shut up," I whispered aloud, my moment of peace ruined.

Upset, I went to my room. I wanted to take a nap and meant only to sleep a few hours, but instead slept right through dinner. I woke up at nearly ten o'clock that night, the dream that had been chasing me in my ever-elusive sleep, finally catching up with me. I thought about crying, but then realized that I was too tired to even do that, not only physically, but emotionally as well. Things hadn't exactly been going so swimmingly with my family over the past seven months, which seemed to just keep getting worse by the day. Although being away from home helped some, there were a lot of things we hadn't worked through, which seemed to be a good idea at the time, but after thinking about it, perhaps things _aren't_ better left unsaid. However, I wasn't too terribly eager to exactly sit down with my family and talk it all through. And so I did what I always did; ran from it all.

I stood up from my bed and decided to change from my scrubs into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. After that, I made my way from my room, up the hall and paused just outside of Logan's door. Even though it made me feel better, took my mind off of things, just to spend time with him, I didn't want to make him feel as if he had to listen to and solve all of my problems. But I felt an overwhelming need to see him and to speak to him, so I didn't pause long before lightly knocking on his door. There was a moment or two before I heard his heavy footsteps fall behind the door and then it opened.

"Hey," he said, giving me a slight smile.

"Hey, are you busy or anything?"

"No, I just got out of the shower, I was gonna' watch some TV before goin' to bed. You wanna' come in?"

I argued quietly inside myself with the voices about whether he really wanted me to come in or if he was only saying it so as to be nice to me. I reminded them that Logan never did anything just to be nice to anyone, especially if he didn't want to and it was an inconvenience to him. That made them shut up.

"Yeah," I said with a smile, walking past him and into his room.

"You didn't come to dinner," he said, closing the door and walking over to his bed where I had just sat down.

"I know, I took a nap an accidentally slept through it. Then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep,"

"So you only come to me when you can't sleep?" he joked, making me smile. "I thought maybe that you thought I was mad at you for tellin' Jean about us,"

"No, I know you're not mad at me, but I woke up and wanted to see you," I said as he sat down beside me.

"Did you have another dream?" he asked, pushing the hair from my face. I nodded my head. "Why won't you tell me what they're about?"

I smiled weakly. "I don't know how to talk about it right now, you know what I mean? I don't know how to put it into words because it's something besides just a bad dream. I just don't feel safe enough to talk about it,"

"You don't feel safe with me?" he asked.

I looked up into his eyes. Bad choice of words. "No, that's not how I mean it," I spit out defensively.

He ran his hand back through his hair and eyed me for a moment. "How did you mean it?"

"That's exactly what you meant,"

"You don't trust him, or he doesn't trust you?" The voices inside me head were speaking at the same time, both speaking over Logan to the point that I couldn't understand what he was saying.

I shook my head. I hated to ask him to repeat himself, but I knew that with the potential of our conversation taking a considerably more serious tone, it left me no room to assume what he had said. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked how you meant it,"

I took a deep breath. "I mean that I don't feel safe with the situation that's caused the dreams enough to actually talk about it right now, not with anyone. I promise you that when I can, I'll tell you,"

"I just don't want to watch you go through the same thing I do every night,"

"What would everyone say if they knew how sweet you were to me?" I smiled at him.

"Why don't we just keep it between us?" he asked, leaning in to give me a kiss.

"Well, you know how bad I am at keeping secrets, so I don't know how well that'll work out," I said with a laugh.

He scrunched his forehead and raised an eyebrow as he gave me a small smirk. "That's true darlin'," he said, giving me a light kiss, drops of water from his wet hair dropping onto my face.

"Oush," I said, pulling back. He wiped them away and then kept his hand against my face, twinning his fingers in my hair. "Thank you,"

"Are you goin' home next week?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "My parents called and asked me if I wanted to come down for the weekend, but I told them that I was going to stay up here. Thanksgiving with my family has never exactly been the most fun for me,"

"Why?"

"Because…my profession isn't really something my family agrees on with me. Everyone thinks that I should have done something better with my life,"

He blinked and looked at me confusingly. "Like what?"

"I don't know, owned my own business, become a lawyer or an actual doctor even, anything besides a nurse, really. They feel the need to ask how much I make in a year and then put me down because I don't make as much money as everything else in my family. They don't get that I actual _enjoy_ doing what I do," I said with a sigh. "I don't know, I've always preferred spending the holidays here over spending them at home and since my brother died everything's just been…harder than usual,"

"Then stay here with me," he said. I looked up at him. "I want you to,"

"You would have liked my brother; I know he would have liked you. You both had the same sense of humor; dry and sarcastic. He always knew how to make me laugh, same as you,"

He pulled me to him and leaned back against his headboard. "How much older than you was he?"

I laid my head on his chest and curled up close to him. "Just over a year, thirteen months and a day, actually,"

"Were you close?" he asked, playing with a piece of my hair, winding it around his finger.

"Yeah, he was the only one in my family who actually got me. He wanted me to do what made me happy and was so excited for me when I started classes to become a nurse. When we were teenagers, we would discus everything with each other, movies, music, politics, our futures, absolutely everything. Then I moved here and didn't get to see him very much, except for the summer. When I was off from school, we never stayed at home. He got a job early on and he would take me to baseball games, the movies, concerts, where ever I wanted to go. Then when I graduated here, he had already gone to college further down south. A year after that, I started to school closer to home. He got a girlfriend and then they got married so they lived down there. After that, he would usually only come up during the holidays. He had come up for an early visit home when he died,"

There was a silence from him and I could tell that he was debating over something.

"He didn't want to hear about all of that, he doesn't really care. Why don't you just shut up and leave? He already thinks you're stupid, don't make a bigger fool of yourself than you already have," a voice in my head said to me.

"What happened to him?" Logan finally asked, obviously deciding that it was a safe enough question.

"He had an undiagnosed Appendicitis, they just thought that it was a virus and sent him back home," I recited, the words coming out with a sound of being rehearsed. To a degree, I suppose that they were. I had gone over the words in my head time after time, wanting to make sure that when someone asked, I could answer straight away, without having to think about it and get emotional.

"I'm sorry,"

"Me too," I said, pulling away slightly. "I better go back to bed or I won't be able to work tomorrow,"

He pulled me back to him. "Why don't you just stay here with me?" he asked.

I took in a nervous breath. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I won't let you have anymore bad dreams," he told me.

I was sold. No matter what the voices in my head, or anyone that I knew, told me, I knew that Logan was good for me, he had helped me to heal and at that time, he was the best thing in my life.


	2. Unwelcomed Thoughts

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to anything X-Men, Marvel, machbox 20 or even anything related to any of these things. I hope you enjoy the story, Wolverine told me that he likes it and that ya'll better...okay, so you don't_have_ to, but if you don't, tell me why so that I might be able to fix it. :Pouty Lips: Anyway, on with the show!

Sidenote: Happy Third Anniversary to my momma and pop, who-who!

* * *

"You shouldn't get up, there's no point in it; no one wants to see you, no one cares about you. You're stupid, incompetent and no one would care if they never saw you again. So why don't you just do them all a favor and no make them have to look at your ugly face and listen to your mindless dribble by just turning over and smothering yourself in your pillow?" the new voice in my head said to me as I was waking. He was far more pro-suicide than the other one had been. The first one just told me that I was stupid and useless; the new one seemed to want to offer a solution to it by suggesting that I kill myself.

"Just _shut up_," I muttered in aggravation.

"Me?" I heard a puzzled voice ask above me.

I opened my sleep-laden eyes to see Logan looking down at me. "No, I was talking in my sleep, sorry," I lied apologetically, and then smiled up at him. "Hey, no bad dreams,"

He gave me a small smile and kissed me on my forehead. "You wanna' just skip work today?" he asked jokingly, but I knew that if I were to take him up on it, he would have gone right along with me.

"I can't; Jean gave me half the day off yesterday so I've got to make up for it," I said and he growled, which only made me smile wider. "Let's just take a rain-check on it, alright?"

He growled again. "Yeah, alright," he said, but he didn't move to get up, instead he laid back down, facing me.

I smiled at him. "I'm going to get in trouble,"

"By who?"

"Jean; I'm working under her as a favor to me, you know that,"

"Well we won't tell her,"

I let out a laugh. "Because she wouldn't know if we didn't tell her, would she?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me and then let out a sigh. "Fine,"

"You know, the weekend's coming up, we can do something then?" I suggested and he got that look on his face. The one where the lines on his forehead would scrunch up, his expression would turn serious and you could tell he was concentrating on something. "What?"

"Someone's lookin' for you," he said, sitting up in bed.

"Me, who would be looking for _me_?" I asked standing and walking to the door. I pressed my ear up against it, straining to listen for whoever was looking for me. I heard a female voice that I recognized as Rogue's, there was a small pause, Rogue said something else, her voice getting louder as she got closer to the door and then someone else spoke. "Oh crap, hide me!" I squeaked quietly to a confused Logan just as the door opened and knocked me in the head, causing me to fall back on the floor.

"I'm so sorry Layla; I didn't know you were standing there!" Rogue apologized.

"No, it's fine, it's not your fault," I told her as Logan jumped from the bed and knelt down beside me.

"Are you alright?" he asked, tilting my head back and checking my nose for bleeding.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I said and he helped me up from the floor.

"Did you stay the night in here?" Bobby asked, stopping in the hallway, just behind Rogue, my sister and one of her friends, where they were standing in the doorway.

"Yes I did, do you have a problem with that Bobby, because I'm sure that you could take it up with Logan and he would be more than happy to discus it with you," I said to him.

He looked at Logan and laughed nervously. "No, I don't have a problem, I was just…curious, is all," he said then turned and walked briskly down the hall.

"I'm sorry about him guys," Rogue apologized again.

"Don't worry about it, I know he's just joking around," I said. "What are you two doing here?" I asked my sister.

"We came to visit you and to see if you were okay," she answered.

"Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"Well, I haven't really seen you since Ben died and mom and dad said that you didn't want to come down for Thanksgiving,"

"No, I'm not, I'm staying here and I was at home for five months before I moved here, so if you didn't see me than it's not exactly my fault really,"

"Mom said that you were feeling depressed,"

I threw my hands up in the air. "Why in the world would she say that? No, I'm not doing fantastic or anything, but I'm not depressed," I said. "I've got to go to work, why don't I…call you or something when I get done?"

"Uh, Jean said to tell you that you could have the day off," Rogue said sheepishly.

"That would have been nice to know five minutes ago," Logan muttered.

I smiled and shook my head. "Logan, this is my sister Natalie and her friend Heather. Guys, this is my…Logan,"

"Your _Logan_?" he asked, looking at me with a sideways stare.

"Oh shut up, I introduced you to someone as my boyfriend once and you gave me the exact same look, so unless you feel like being helpful with a name, leave me alone," I retorted.

"Well, get out of my room, 'cause even if you've got the day off, I still gotta' work and I've gotta' get ready," he smirked.

"Don't tell me to leave, if I don't want to then I don't have to,"

"Excuse me?"

"I said that you can't tell me what to do," I said, matching my smirk with his.

"Fine, stay in here, I gotta' change though,"

"Okay, I'm leaving,"

"I don't have anywhere I have to be, I'll stay," Rogue joked.

"You are a married pregnant woman, I'm not leaving you in here with my boyfriend, you are going to go down to breakfast with us so we can eat with you dim-witted husband," I said just as Logan pulled off his shirt and walked to his wardrobe behind me. "All right, fine, you can stay,"

She gave me a small laugh. "If you get down to breakfast before me, will you tell Bobby that I'll be down in a minute, I do actually have to talk to Logan for a little bit?"

"Yeah, I'll see ya'll down there," I said, walking from the room, Natalie and Heather right behind me. "I've got to go to my room and change before we go down and eat, okay?" I asked them, just as we got to my room door and I opened it.

"That's it, we haven't seen each other in seven months and I don't even get a 'hi, how are you'?" my sister asked.

"Hi, how are you?" I asked sarcastically, entering my room and going to my wardrobe. I grabbed a pair of jeans, a black T-shirt and my green sweater, and then threw them onto my unmade bed.

"You know, this is how you treated me when you used to go to school here, why are you acting like this?"

"I don't know what you're talking about; I'm acting the same as I always have," I said and there was a knock on the door. "Come in,"

The door opened and Scott stood in the doorway. "Just a question; sorry, I didn't know you had visitors,"

"That's your question?"

"Oh, no, sorry, I was wondering if the students are _supposed_ to know that you stayed the night with Logan in his room?"

"No, nothing happened and even if it did, it's none of their business, so give them all a whack on the head for me and I'll let Logan deal with them during classes,"

"Whack them in the head with what?"

"Your hand, I don't care,"

"Like how Bobby does you?" he joked with a smile.

"Yes, exactly, but put a little more force behind it,"

"I have a feel that I now understand why the Professor didn't ask you to be a teacher,"

"Funny," I said dryly.

"Oh, and just one more question,"

"Should _I_ know that you spend the night with Logan?"

"Must I say again that nothing happened?"

"You spent a whole night in a room with Logan and nothing happened?"

"Did I stutter because I thought that's what I said?" I asked sarcastically.

"Good for you, you can still be a nun, then," he joked. Scott had been dead set on my becoming a nun ever since I was a teenager. I'm not sure why he picked me to decide it for, but it had followed me since I was fourteen.

"I'm not becoming a nun Summers, get over it,"

He laughed. "I'm back to being 'Summers' again, huh?"

"As long as I'm being called a nun, you'll be called Summers," I said. "Oh and by the way, I wouldn't mention any of this to Logan if I were you. You know him; he'll probably only get mad at you for bringing it up,"

"He'll get mad because he didn't want anyone to know that the two of you are dating and now everyone knows that you stayed the night with him. Don't you think it's obvious that he doesn't care about you? Otherwise, why would he care for everyone to know that you're dating? He's only using you," one of the voices told me.

"Good point. Are you coming to breakfast or are you going somewhere before then?" Scott asked.

"I'm coming down for it,"

"Okay, I'll see you then," he said, moving to close my door.

"Wait," I said and he popped his head back in. "How do the kids know whether or not I was in my own room last night?"

"There are more than two psychics in the school, you know?"

I shook my head. "Okay," I said and then he closed the door.

"What is going on here?" Natalie asked me.

"That guy, Logan, he and I are…dating, I guess," I said, not knowing quite how to put it. We had yet to go on an actual date, but we were together, only I didn't know how to word it just right. "Anyway, everyone sort of found out yesterday. Then last night I had a bad dream, went to talk to him and ended up staying in there,"

"Did you sleep with him?" Heath asked bluntly. I had never really cared all too much for her, she was slightly nosy and more than a smidge irritating.

"Technically? Yes. In the way that you mean it? No,"

"Why?"

"Why is that anyone's business but my own?"

"This is what I'm talking about; why are you being so rude? It's an innocent question," my sister said.

"If you thought that was an innocent question, than that makes me wonder if perhaps you're on drugs," I spat sarcastically before there was another knock on my door. "Yeah, come in," No one came in. I walked to the door and opened it; there was no one there. I moved to shut it when I noticed something hanging around the doorknob. I picked it up lightly and saw that it was a black ribbon necklace with a black beaded cross hanging on it. I smiled and tied it around my neck, not minding to take the one that I already had on, odd. I thought they looked fine layers and felt that on that day I was going to need them both.

I closed the door and turned back to them, taking a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry if I'm coming off as ruder than usually but I've just not been feeling too good lately, so you'll have to forgive me for being moody,"

"Well, that's why we're here; because mom said that you weren't feeling good," Natalie said. "Why don't you come down for Thanksgiving, everyone wants to see you,"

"Why, so ya'll can make fun of me? Thanks but I think I'd rather pass on that one,"

"No one makes fun of you,"

"Everyone makes fun of me; it's just that you're so used to it by now that you don't even notice it anymore,"

"Okay, fine, I'll talk to everyone and make sure that they leave you alone, alright?"

"Why do you care about me going home or staying here?"

"Because you should be spending the holidays with your family,"

"I am,"

"So you _are_ coming home?"

"No, I'm staying here,"

"I thought you said that you were spending it with your family?"

"Everyone here _is_ my family and hardly any of them make fun of me. With the exception of Bobby and Scott, but they don't say anything they know will offend me,"

"These people here are freaks," Heather said.

"Yeah, why are you here again, because calling my friends and me 'freaks' isn't exactly the best way to convince me of going anywhere really. And by the way; I would be careful with what you choose to call us; we're homo-sapient-superior, do you know what that means? We're advanced, different but definitely not freaks, and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from referring to us as such in front of me,"

"Sorry," she apologized.

"Look, I've got to get dressed, so excuse me for a minute," I said, grabbing my clothes and going into my bathroom.

I didn't want them there. I had never gotten along brilliantly with my sister. She, like my parents, found it embarrassing and inconvenient for me to be a mutant. My brother Ben had been the only one who really supported me with it. When I first discovered that I could move and bend objects with my mind, he had been the first person that I told, because I knew that he wouldn't be scared or disappointed in me.

As for Heather, she was just an irritating and ignorant person with no personality of her own who never considered thinking things through before saying them.

I was convinced that neither one of them had come to talk me into going home. I assumed they had wanted to do some shopping for the holidays or themselves in New York City and had swung by for the day just to make it seem as though they cared. That and with visiting me as a cover story, Natalie could get our parents to pay for her plane ticket.

My day just wasn't going so great and it wasn't even eight o'clock yet. Everyone thought that something had gone on between Logan and me the night before when nothing could have been further from the truth. My sister and her completely incompetent friend showed up unannounced and then I had been hit in the head and knocked down. Which reminded me to check out myself.

I dropped my handful of clothes onto the lid of my dirty clothes hamper and then examined my face in the mirror. I had a bit of redness and bruising on the bridge of my nose.

"Brilliant," I muttered to myself sarcastically.

I pulled out my makeup bag and dug around until I found some mint green and light pink eye shadows. I dusted some of the green down my nose, hoping it could tone down the red and then brushed the light pink over it, knowing that the pink should cancel out the blue of the bruising. I turned from side to side to make sure that it was all covered.

As much as I wanted to just stay in my bathroom and avoid my sister, I knew that Jean had given me the day off so that I could spend it with her. Wasn't she supposed to be able to read minds; why would she put me through such torture? However badly I wanted to stay put, I got dressed and rejoined Natalie and Heather back in my bedroom.

"Are ya'll hungry?" I asked, pulling on a pair of my sneakers.

"Yeah," Natalie answered.

"Good, let's go eat then,"

I led the way downstairs and into the dining hall, where everyone was already eating. As we walked to the staff table, I noticed the two extra chairs set out for them beside mine, which was beside Logan's.

"Guys, if ya'll haven't met them yet, this is my sister Natalie and her friend Heather," I announced once we had sat down.

"I never would have guessed she was your sister considering you look just alike," Bobby said sarcastically.

Though I had heard it for most of my life, I had never actually thought we looked all that much like each other. I had long, dark brown curly hair, brown eyes and tan skin. Although she looked similar, we were two completely different people and I think that came out in our looks. I was also quite a bit taller than her, my five-foot-ten to her five-foot-seven. I was considering pointing this out to Bobby when Rogue smacked him on the back of the head with her hand.

"Ouch, what was that for?" he asked.

"Stop bein' mean to her," she said.

"Why am I not allowed to hit her but you can hit me? I thought we agreed that we were going to stop doing that because it was bad behavior to teach the baby?"

"You can't hit her because I said so and I can hit you because the baby's not born yet,"

"What if everyone just keeps their hands to themselves and no one hits anyone else?" the Professor said, sounding as though he were trying to referee a fight between children.

"You hear that Logan, keep your hands to yourself," Scott teased.

"What about my claws, where can I put them?" he retorted, popping out his middle claw, flipping Scott off and causing both Natalie and Heather to gasp in shock.

"Logan, why don't you put that up before you hurt someone with it?" Storm asked.

"That was the whole idea, 'Ro," he said, the claw skillfully sliding back into his hand, his wound stitching itself back together before he lowered to back down.

"Here's an idea; how about everyone keep every part of their anatomy to themselves until we get done eating?" Jean suggested.

We all silently agreed.

"Do you always fight like this?" Heather asked, still looking taken aback by Logan's claw.

"We're_ not_ fighting," I said. "This is just how we get along with each other,"

"So this is how you and Logan got along last night?" Bobby joked and Rogue smacked him again. "Ow, that really hurts!"

Logan stood from the table. "That's it, come on Drake; we're gonna' take this outside,"

"Logan, sit down," Professor Xavier said.

"I was only joking," Bobby defended.

"You know not to joke around with Logan," Rogue said to him.

"Obviously he doesn't," Scott laughed.

"Logan, sit down, I want to finish eating and I'm sure that everyone else does as well," I said, looking up to him.

"Finish eatin', you don't need to come with us," he said, still standing.

"Marie is pregnant, the last thing she needs is for you to beat her husband. He was joking around, he didn't mean it rudely and you know that had it been someone else besides us, you would be making jokes about it too. So please, just sit down and finish eating, because if you don't then I'm going to give it to Scott while you're gone,"

He looked down at me, then back to Bobby and gave him a low growl before sitting back down.

"Will you consider not killing me when Layla's gone if I apologize?" Bobby asked sheepishly.

"He's not going to kill you," I told him.

"Well, I'm sorry, I was just _joking_ and I didn't mean to piss you off," he said.

"Thank you and it's alright; Logan's going to have worse to deal with during his classes today and he's not allowed to kill the students,"

"I'm not allowed to kill 'em but they can do a couple of laps around the house," Logan said.

"May I remind you that almost all of the students are scared of Logan? I don't think they're stupid enough to actually _tease_ him about it," Rogue said.

"We can hope," said Jean. "For their own good,"

However, that had yet to be shown to us. After breakfast, Logan went to go to classes and I followed him with Natalie and Heather right behind me.

"Thank you for the necklace, it's beautiful," I said to him as we stood in the entryway.

"I don't know what you're talkin' about darlin'," he smirked, tugging on a strand of my hair. "Where are you goin' today?"

"I don't know, really, we're just going to go out and see if we can get into a bit of trouble I suppose," I joked as a gaggle of girls walked through the hall where we were standing.

"Logan and Layla sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage,"

"Then comes detention all weekend long!" I said, finishing off their chant. Their jaws dropped.

"Can you do that; you're not a teacher?" one of the girls asked.

"No, but I am and all of you will have separate detention starting on Friday," Logan said. "Now get to class,"

They all scurried off, not wanting to get into any more trouble.

"Thank you," I smiled.

"Don't worry about it, go and have fun, I'll see you tonight," he said, pulling me to him and giving me a kiss.

"I'm sorry the kids are teasing you," I said, giving him a small hug.

"I don't care about it but I know it bothers you," he said, pushing the hair from my face. "Why do you have green powder on your nose?"

I laughed. "Green is supposed to cover up red and my nose was red from where I got hit with your door earlier,"

"I forgot about that, does it feel alright?"

"It's a little sore but I think I'll live," He nodded his head. "You're going to be late for classes,"

He scratched the back of his head, looked at the three of us and his thinking lines reappeared on his forehead. I could tell that he was debating between going to classes and asking Xavier for the day off. He could tell I didn't get along with my sister or even like Heather in the least bit and he would have tagged along with us girls just so he could make sure that I was okay.

"He doesn't want to go anywhere with you, he's thinking about how annoying it is that you tell him what to do all of the time. If he wants to be late for class, he's a grown man and he can make that decision on his own. Stop telling him what to do; it's getting old," a voice said to me and I wondered if maybe he was right? I _did_ tell him when to go to classes quite often and I worried that perhaps he was getting irritated with me over it.

"You know, Chuck would understand if I needed the day off. After all, I've got a temper; who knows what I might do to the kids if they piss me off?" he said, causing me to laugh.

"_You_ have a temper, I never would have guessed!" I said in mock shock, then laughed. "I don't think that's a valid enough point for the Professor to let you play hooky for the day, but thank you, it was a nice thought,"

He let out a sigh. "Okay, will you be home for dinner?"

"I don't know, if not, I'll see you when I get home tonight," I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Bye,"

"Bye darlin',"

"How did _you_ get such a hot boyfriend?" Heather asked me as we walked around to the garage.

"I'm not sure whether to be flattered that you think my boyfriend's hot or offended that you think I couldn't get someone like him?" I said, dodging two kids running past me and through the wall of the garage, no doubt late for mechanics class.

"So was this place like, a house someone turned into a school for freaks, uh…mutants, I mean?" Heather asked, obviously meaning to slip up her words.

"Yeah, something like that," I said dryly, opening the door to the garage and spotting Scott teaching a class as soon as I walked in. "Ya'll are taking my car apart, are you?" I joked.

"You're not funny, you're stupid and everyone thinks so," one of the voices told me.

"We only took a few parts out of it," Scott said, smiling at me.

I smiled back. "Just so long as I can still drive it, I'm okay with that," I said. "Didn't mean to disrupt the class, just getting my car,"

"If your breaks don't work, you'll know I wasn't joking about taking parts out of it,"

I laughed. "Alright, ya'll be good, listen up, stay clean and all that good stuff,"

"You guys be careful, okay?" Scott said, opening the garage door for us as Natalie and Heather climbed into my car.

"We will, bye guys!" I said, waving to the students as I got into the driver's seat. A few said bye and waved at us as we were driving away. "So where are we going?"

"Is there a decent mall around here?" Natalie asked.

"Yeah there's one we take the kids to about once a month that's only twenty minutes from here,"

There was a bit of silence as Natalie played around with my stereo, trying to find a good station, or at least good by her definition. "Do you not have your stations set?" she asked.

"Uh, no," I said, pulling from the long drive and out onto the road. "I usually ride with Logan when we go anywhere, so I have them all set in his car, even though he hates my taste in music,"

"How long have you been dating?"

"Well, I'm not actually sure,"

"How are you not sure, don't you keep up with stuff like that?"

"Yeah, but it really wasn't as easy as that. I didn't like him when we first met, I didn't like him when he first kissed me, then after that there was about a week where I tried to convince myself that he was a jerk and I still didn't like him, but I couldn't. Then we just kind of…were, really. Besides, neither one of us needs an anniversary to stick to; we both have a hard enough time trying to remember holidays, birthdays and other people's anniversaries as it is,"

"When's his birthday?"

"I don't know,"

"You don't know when your boyfriend's birthday is?" Heather chimed in from the back seat.

"No, neither does he,"

"He doesn't know when his birthday is?" Natalie asked skeptically.

"No, he got amnesia about twenty years ago and doesn't remember stuff like that. Rogue tried to make one up for him, but he wouldn't let her,"

"He could be an axe-murderer for all you know then," Natalie said and I laughed.

"Oh yeah, that's my little Wolvie; a vicious, killing, axe-murderer posing as a school teacher here in New York,"

"He could be, you saw that claw thing," she said. "And why did you call him _Wolvie_?"

"Because he used to be a cage fighter in Canada and his fighting name was Wolverine, so I shorten it and call him Wolvie," I explained, wanting to include the fact that he used to be a cage fighter, I thought they might find it a interesting.

"He hates it when you call him Wolvie; he thinks it's stupid. It's not some cute nickname you came up with, it demasculinizes him and he hates it," the newest voice said.

"Okay, first of all, you haven't even been around long enough to know if he hates it or not, and I have. I know that even though he pretends to not like it, he really doesn't mind, and second of all; I didn't make it up, Rogue has been calling him that long before I knew so. So get over it, shut up and leave me alone," I argued back.

I wondered if anyone could tell by looking at me that there constantly raged an argument inside of me, with voices putting me down and telling me what to do. I didn't know if everyone had to deal with the same thing, if it was one of those things that everyone went through but never talked about, but I did know that it was driving me crazy. I didn't know how to get past is and ignore it when they got that loud and I wasn't sure that I was supposed to. Perhaps they were inner voices telling me the truth, what if what they said all made sense? Maybe if I listened to them, they would all just go away.

"There's a light pole, run into it and I bet that no one will miss you. Just take your hand and pull the steering wheel towards the right, you'll hit it and be dead on impact, it's as easy as that," the same voice said.

I was staring at it and it was right, I could hit it and probably die on impact. Sudden thoughts of who would attend my funeral entered my mind. Would people cry, would they be sad, would they ever care that I was gone, or would they simply just carry on as if nothing happened?

"Layla, you're running off the road!" Natalie yelled. I jerked the steering wheel over to the left, straightening the car back out on the road, a little shaken. "You almost hit that light post!"

"Sorry, I got distracted," I lied.

"You can't get distracted while you're driving, you could have killed us!" she yelled.

"I know, I'm sorry," I apologized.

I knew then that what was going on wasn't normal and from then on, I wasn't going to be able to drive on my own again.


	3. Returning Home

Disclaimer: Let's face it, I'm a poor, seventeen-year old girl who doesn't own the rights to anything, let alone somethingas big as Marvel or a matchbox20 song. I do, however, have a lot of time on my hands and enjoy wallowing in their sucsess as my own. Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy!

Sidenote: The reason that the voices aren't written in italics is because that Layla doesn't hear them as thoughts, she hears them as voices, just like everyone else's, and so she gets confused by who's saying what as well. I wanted to bring that in for everyone to understand, so even though I did think about putting them in italics, I thought it might have lost the effect of not even her understanding who's talking at times. Sorry if it's a bit confusing!

* * *

"Okay, look, I know that you don't want to go home, but just do it for mom; since Ben died she wants everyone to be there with her," Natalie said as we were looking around a store called Wet Seal.

I felt guilty. It was true that our mom wanted to have everyone at home for the first real holiday since Ben was gone. However, the thought of being there, pretending to be happy, without him, killed me. He was my best friend, the only person in whom I could confide everything. While I was at home, it was hard, just having to be there where he had died. My mother had closed off the den because she couldn't even go in there anymore. Only when I moved to the school did things start to get better. On the other hand, my mother was hurting, too, her son was gone and if all she wanted was to have her family together for one day, I could try to get through it for her.

"Alright, fine," I said.

"Really?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"Not the whole weekend, just for Thanksgiving,"

"That's fine, I'm so happy!" she said, giving me a hug.

I awkwardly hugged her back. "Okay, yeah, me too,"

* * *

"You're _what_?" Logan asked me right after dinner. We had just gotten home from shopping and I hadn't even had time to take my bags up to my room.

"I'm going home for Thanksgiving," I repeated to him where the four of us were standing in the hall.

"Why?"

"Well, because my momma wants us all at home,"

"You're an adult, don't you think it's time for you to start makin' decisions on your own instead of doin' what other people want you to do?"

"I'm only doing it because of Ben,"

"You think he would want you to go home so you can get made fun of?"

"No, but-"

"But what?" he asked, cutting me off.

"Why are you trying to keep her from going home with her family?" Natalie asked, an attitude rising in her voice.

I let out a sigh. Getting an attitude with Logan was never a good idea, unless you knew how to handle him, which my sister didn't know how to do.

"I'm not tryin' to keep her from goin' home with her family; I'm tryin' to keep her from gettin' made fun of,"

"Why would you think she gets made fun of unless you make fun of her yourself?" I heard it start as a rumble in his chest before coming out as a low growl. It was a warning, but she didn't know it, she had known him for all of twelve hours, so she wouldn't know to leave well enough alone and just shut up. "Is that what you do, go around behind her back and make fun of her and then blame it on other people? If we do it, at least it's to her face,"

Then there it was; loud and booming, scaring Natalie and Heather as well as some of the students who were still coming from the dining hall. I even jumped some as the growl that had started out barely audible, turned into a brash sound, followed by a long string of swearwords.

"Logan, please calm down, she doesn't understand," I said.

"Understand what? That this guy is a complete idiot who doesn't know anything about our family but thinks he can just insinuate that we pick on you?"

"I'm not insinuatin' nothin', she told me how you treat her and if you wanna' think I'm an idiot for believin' her, than that's fine by me, but that's how it is,"

"See what you've done, you've started a fight between your boyfriend and sister. Wasn't it just this morning when you started a fight between Logan and Bobby? Haven't you realized by now that all you ever do is cause trouble? You're always causing trouble for everyone and you're never worth it. You also told him what to do again. He's sick of that, he hates it when you do it, I told you that already. Why don't you just take a kitchen knife from the dining room and cut right through the veins in your wrist? Everyone will be much happier if you're gone, so do them all a favor and just kill yourself," one of the voices told me, talking over Logan and Natalie's arguing.

"Stop it, just stop!" I yelled at it in frustration. Logan and Natalie stopped and looked at me. I had accidentally said it aloud and they thought that I was yelling at them. "I'm going home for Thanksgiving, that's my decision, _mine_, okay? It has nothing to do with anyone or anything other than wanting to be there because Ben can't. Logan, you can be mad at me for going and Natalie, you can be mad at me too, but I'm not just going to sit around this year and let ya'll say what you want. I also think it would be a good idea if you and Heather just went ahead and left right now. I'll see you next week,"

I then turned and left. I went to my room and fell on my bed. My day had started out bad and had just gotten worse. The voice that I had heard for the first time only just the day before spoke so much of suicide that I had nearly ran myself into a light post. I tried to kill myself and if my sister hadn't yelled at me, I probably would have. What was happening to me?

* * *

There was a light knock on my door.

"Come in," I said.

The door opened and Logan walked in, shutting it behind him. "Are you pissed at me?" he asked.

I let out a sight and sat up on my bed. "No, should I be?" I asked.

"I yelled at your sister,"

"I do it all the time, doesn't bother me," I said with a faint smile. "You were taking up for me, I appreciate it, but I was just so stressed out from today that I started yelling too when ya'll started arguing. Today's just been kind of hard for me, so I'm sorry for yelling at you,"

He walked over to my bed, pulled me up and held me. We didn't say anything for a few minutes; we just stood there. "It's so hard thinking about Ben not being there. He would always take up for me and make me feel better by making jokes about everyone else to me. I don't know what to do," I said, tears falling down my face.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, I think this is something I need to do on my own. After this, I have to decide if I can go back anymore. Thank you though, that means a lot to me,"

"Don't worry about it," he said.

"I mean it; it does mean a lot to me, so do you," I said. "I like you for that,"

He kissed me on top of my head. "You too, darlin',"

There was a time when I thought that all Logan was, was a self absorbed, cocky, sarcastic jerk, who happened to be on the good-looking side. However, once I got to know him, he surprised me by just how nice he could be and I loved to be around him because of it. He was such an interesting person for me to talk to simply because we were such polar opposites. I was raised in a fairly well off area, with a large, not always so supportive, family. He, on the other hand, worked as a schoolteacher and didn't know whether or not he ever had a family of his own. He had worked in bars and been a cage fighter when I had been into neither a bar _nor_ a fight in my entire life. We were different in nearly every way possible and yet we some how worked brilliantly with each other.

* * *

I was incredibly nervous the whole ride home. I felt awkward, uneasy and oddly alone. For nearly two months, I had spent the majority of my time with Logan and then suddenly I had to go it along and I wasn't sure what to do.

I had decided to take a cab rather than have one of my parents pick my up from the airport. I spend almost the entire flight arguing with the voices in my head over whether the plane was going to crash or not. They said it was going to, over and over, hammering the thought into my head until I felt like I couldn't breathe. The woman that I was next to noticed that I was having some problems and agreed to change seats with me so that I wasn't looking out the window. When that didn't help, she gave me a paper lunch sack to breathe in and after a few minutes, I was okay again. I had never been a nervous flyer; I could usually sit in a seat by the window and not have it bother me. However, that had been _before_ I had started hearing things. Although they had bothered me before, they seemed to be becoming more dangerous over time, causing me to do things I wouldn't have normally done.

After I was finally able to breathe again, I found the rosary in my purse that someone had given me after my brother had died. I always kept it with me, but I felt I needed more than just to have it. I wrapped it around my wrist, making it look like a bracelet, until it wouldn't wrap anymore. I was already wearing the black cross necklace that Logan had given me the week before. They had started out innocently enough; quite a few people that I knew had given me necklaces with crosses on them just after my brother's death, as a way to help me heal, and then it had just turned into an obsession, with me wanting to buy nearly every one that I saw. However, I would usually wear them one at a time, but with the voices pounding into my brain the thoughts of suicide and dying, I wore one or more at all times, trying to keep their thoughts at bay.

When the cab pulled up to the drive of my house, it seemed as though it had been a hundred years that I had been away. Everything seemed so distant and vaguely familiar, as though I were remembering it through a long forgotten dream, instead of the memories of my life.

I grabbed my single bag that I had brought with me, paid the cabbie and walked slowly up the front way, trying to shake the feeling of nerves. Why did I suddenly feel like I was fourteen again and going back home for the first time after starting school? There was a daunting feeling of secrecy about the holidays. My immediate family and, against my will, Heather, were the only ones outside of the mansion that knew I was a mutant, and the sickness of worry washed over me as I was scared that someone would bring it up.

"Layla, come inside, it's freezing!" my grandmother called to me from the door.

I gave her a polite smile. "It actually feels warm down here compared to the weather back home," I said, snapping out of my memory-induced trance. I walked in and gave her a hug.

"Now what are you talking about, 'back home', certainly you're not moving up there for good?" she said.

"No, it's just until she finishes training under the doctor up there, then she's coming back home," my mother answered for me, coming from the living room, giving me a hug as well.

"Actually, that's something I wanted to talk to you and daddy about while I'm here," I said.

"What did you want to talk about?" My Uncle Rodney asked, coming from the living room with his wife, their two kids, my Aunt May, her husband, my dad and my sister Natalie.

They were pathetic; like vultures waiting over a sick animal until it died so that they could attack it. My sickness was speech and my death would come as soon as I said anything that would allow them to make fun of me, that's when they would all attack.

"Well," I started, adjusting the strap of my bag on my shoulder. "The Professor and Dr. Grey, together, offered me a job as a full time nurse there so that Dr. Grey won't be the only one doing all of the work, and I agreed to it,"

"Why did you tell us before now?" my mother asked.

"Because it was only just offered to me this past week,"

"Well that's just ridiculous, you live all the way down here, how are you going to work in New York full time?" my uncle asked.

"I'm moving to New York…permanently,"

"If this is about that boy you're seeing, you can just forget that. You can get any nursing job down here, you're not going to move to New York for one, that would be silly Layla," my mother said, belittling me as I stood there in front of everyone.

"Yeah, I can take a nursing job down here but I where could I find one where they would pay for my room as well as all of my meals and still get a paycheck for my work? I like working with the kids there and I'm still going to be able to finish out my training. It's the perfect job for me and it's not only what I want to do, but it's what I'm going to do," I said. "And who told you about Logan, because he's not exactly what I would call a _boy_ really,"

"Your sister told us about him," my mother said.

"Of course she did,"

"She thinks he's a bad influence on you," said my father.

"Are you serious? She met him once, she doesn't even know him," I defended.

"I may have only met him once, but I saw him flip one of the teachers off during breakfast, threaten to beat another one, swear at me and he was rude when he told you to get out of his room," Natalie said.

"He wasn't being rude to me, he was joking around. He technically didn't flip Scott off, he didn't threaten to beat anyone, he just suggested they take it outside, and I'm not entirely sure if he was swearing at you or just in general," I said.

"You shouldn't even be around people who are like that, so you certainly don't need to be dating a boy who does," my grandmother said.

"He's a man, not a boy, and why does everyone suddenly care about who I'm dating? Ya'll never cared before," I said. "And is there any specific reason why everyone's come from the living room when I got here, but no one but momma and granny has said 'hi' to me? I mean, it doesn't matter to me either way, but I was just curious?"

"We're just worried about you is all," my grandmother answered.

"Why is everyone worried about me, _why_? Have I done anything that would merit ya'll being as concerned as you say you are? If this is about Logan, don't worry; I'm not going to start swearing anytime soon, he doesn't have that strong of an affect on me,"

They all exchanged glances with one another.

"So, how's that novel of yours coming?" Uncle Rodney asked sarcastically, trying to keep away from the seriousness of out conversation, at my expense.

When I was younger, I had wanted to be a writer. I was always writing some book, which I never finished before moving onto the next one. My family would tease me, but I always thought that one day I would finish one of them, have it published, then move away and leave them all. Except Ben. We were going to travel together, go all over the world and then settle down in Australia, where I could write and he could illustrate my books. He was a fabulous artist and that was our 'perfect' life plan.

"I'm sure it's going better than her opera CD," my Aunt May joked and everyone laughed.

Okay, there's no good explanation for it; when I was younger, I also wanted to be an opera singer. I thought it would be fun.

The joking went on for another good ten minutes before I finally went up to my old bedroom. My plan had been shot to pieces. I thought that I was going to be able to go in and finally stand up for myself, but I didn't. I felt like a little kid again, scared to say anything back because I was afraid to make them upset. I was so focused on fitting into a family that I had never fit into before, that I had let them run all over me. It was then that I realized if they didn't like me when I was trying to fit in, then they could go ahead and not like me, but I was going to be myself.

* * *

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my cousins yelling, screaming and running down the hall, with my aunt and uncle chasing after them, telling them to stop being rowdy. It wasn't working, but I didn't care; it was the first day in weeks that I hadn't had a voice in my head telling me not to get up or to kill myself, and _that_ was refreshing.

I got up, took a shower, and when I couldn't decide between a pair of jeans or my black, above the knee, cotton dress, I decided to wear both. However, I still felt as though I was missing something. I dug through my bag until I found my gold cross necklace with pink stone inlays and fastened it around my neck. Then I tied on my black cross necklace and wrapped my rosary back around my wrist. I felt safe with them all on and when I felt safe, which was a new feeling to me, I could express myself. It's like when you go swimming and you test the water to see how cold it is, then you dive in headfirst know that it's cold but also knowing that you can stand it.

I walked downstairs and into the kitchen to find my mother, grandmother, Aunt May and my Uncle Rodney's wife Goldie, cooking.

"Need any help?" I asked.

"No, I think we've got it," my mother told me.

"Can I use the house phone to call the school and tell them that I'm okay and say happy Thanksgiving?"

"Sure, that's fine,"

I grabbed the kitchen phone off its base, went, and sat at the kitchen table. I quickly dialed the school's phone number and after two rings, Professor Xavier answered.

"Happy Turkey-Day, Chuck," I said, eating a bite of the party mix in the bowl in front of me.

"Same to you Layla. How was your trip?"

"It was good, I arrived safe and sound and should be back in time for leftovers tomorrow night," I said. He knew how it really was; he also knew that I didn't want to mention the fact that I nearly had a panic attack in front of my family, who, apparently, thought that I was depressed and mentally unstable.

"I do believe that between Scott and Logan, there won't _be_ any leftovers," he joked.

"Logan shouldn't be allowed to eat; he's Canadian,"

"That is true," he laughed.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I got here safely and everything. Tell everyone that I said happy Thanksgiving and I hope ya'll have fun today,"

"Who are you talking to, your boyfriend? Does he know that you don't know how to dress yourself? You look like a six year old, Layla," my Uncle Rodney said, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a handful of the party mix in front of me. Is it wrong that I wanted him to choke on it? "And what's with all of the crosses; are you going to perform and exorcism before dinner?"

There was a pause. "We will be looking forward to having you back home tomorrow, I hope you have a nice day," Professor Xavier said to me.

"I'll be looking forward to being back home as well," I said. "And thank you."

"Professor, Logan's just thrown Bobby into the pool from the second floor balcony, can you tell him to behave himself for one day?" I heard Rogue's voice in the background and I cringed. Logan had been after Bobby since he had made the joke about the two of us at breakfast.

"I'm sorry Marie; I'll talk with him about it," he said.

"Can you tell her that I apologize _for_ him? I should have known that he would so something as soon as I left," I said.

"I'll tell her," he said kindly.

"Okay, I'll let you go then so you can deal with the cranky little Canadian, the pregnant woman and her wet husband…that sounds like a really bad joke…anyway, I'll see ya'll tomorrow, bye,"

He laughed. "Indeed it does. Goodbye,"

"No 'I love you'?" Uncle Rodney joked as I hung up the phone.

"No, for your information, that was my old headmaster and new boss, not my boyfriend,"

"Who were you apologizing for, because you should have been apologizing for your outfit," my Aunt May said, joining my uncle in making fun of me.

"I was apologizing for my boyfriend because he threw our friend's husband from our second floor balcony into the school's swimming pool. She was a _little_ bit upset," I said. "And you know, a woman who's wearing an orange mock turtleneck with a knitted sweater of a turkey on it and turkey earrings, I somehow don't think that _you _should be critiquing _anyone's_ outfit,"

Everyone in the kitchen looked at me. My new self-assurance seemed to have stunned them all, especially my mother who would have normally told me not to talk back to my elders and to be polite. However, Logan was right; I was an adult and it was time that I did things for me instead of trying to make everyone else happy.

"Would you like to fix the deviled eggs?" my grandmother asked me.

"Sure," I said with a smile. It was nice to be me. Right then at least.

* * *

Dinner was the same as every year; no big production of carving the turkey, just go through, fix a plane and go to the dining room to eat. We always ate at seven o'clock and by then, I was starving. I loaded my play up until there was no room left and that, apparently, was cause for jest.

"Do you really need to eat _that_ much?" my mother asked me as I sat down.

"I'm not exactly sure why my eating habits should concern you, but yeah, I _do_ need to eat all of this,"

"So, how did you and your boyfriend meet?" Goldie asked.

"He works as a teacher there at school,"

Natalie choked on her water. "Doing what?" she asked.

"He teaches self defense classes for the older students,"

"He threw one of your friends off the roof and they let him teach?" my grandmother asked.

"He threw someone off the roof?" asked my father.

"Okay, first of all, he's our friend's husband. Second of all, he threw him from the second floor balcony, not the roof, and he landed in the pool," I corrected.

"Why?"

"Well I don't really know for sure but I think it was because he was teasing me about something last week,"

"You mean that guy who was making jokes about you because you slept with Logan?" Natalie interjected.

My mother and grandmother gasped while my father looked angry.

"I knew that boy was a bad influence on you," granny said.

"He's a _man_, not a boy and he's not a bad influence on me. Besides, that was taken, way, _way _out of context; I had a bad dream, went into his room to talk and fell asleep. Nothing happened,"

"What kind of dream did you have that was so bad you have to go stay in your boyfriend's room?" my father asked.

I didn't say anything; I just played with my food, as I was suddenly no longer hungry.

"You're still having dreams about Ben?" my mother asked.

I had never had another time when my mouth went dry, my hands became clammy and my heart began to palpitating until I could literally see it pounding in my chest, as fast as it did right then. "It's not a big deal," I said quietly.

"Yes it is. Your father and I have been talking to our therapist about you and he thinks that you need to talk to someone about it. We both agree,"

"You talk to your therapist about me?" I asked. "And what, exactly, do you say; you don't even know enough about me to be telling your _therapist _about me,"

"What do you mean we don't know you?" she asked.

"What's my favorite color, or movie? What about my favorite song or band? Do you know my favorite book, what food I eat or what I hate? You didn't even know that I was dating someone until Natalie told you, so what do you know about me?"

"We know that you're a bad nurse," Uncle Rodney said.

"Excuse me?"

"Rodney, not now," Goldie said to him.

"No, I think it's time that I said what's on everyone's mind; if you are such a _fantastic _nurse and you were with Ben when he was dying, then why didn't you do anything about it?"

"You think I didn't try to do anything? Are you serious? I did absolutely _everything_ that I could, what do you think that I should have done?"

"I don't know; what _did_ you do?"

My heart felt like it fell to the floor. Why would they think that I hadn't done anything to help him?

"He was feeling sick so he took some medicine for his stomach, but he started throwing up and fell to the floor. I thought it was from the virus, like the doctor said, but when blood started coming out of his mouth, I called an ambulance," I said and I couldn't help from crying. "Then he started choking on the blood and when he stopped breathing, I gave him CPR, but it didn't help. I tried until the ambulance got here and once they did, they have to pull me away because by that time he was already dead,"

"You should have called an ambulance sooner,"

"Why, I thought it was a virus, that's what a _professional doctor_ diagnosed him with. I did everything that I knew how to do given that I thought that that's what it was. It's easy for you to sit there and criticize me because you weren't here when it happened. You were told how he died and had a chance to think over when you would do, but I had to deal with it _right then_. What would you have done, would you have even known how to perform mouth to mouth properly? You don't have _any_ right to say that I didn't do enough, because I did something, and that was more than you," I said and stood from the table.

I went into the kitchen and tried to calm down. I knew that going home was going to be hard but I had never imagined that my own family would accuse me of just letting my brother die. He meant the world to me, he did still even then, seven months after his passing, and they should have known that I would have trading my own life in a heartbeat if I could have, just so that he could be there, but I couldn't. What happened wasn't my fault; it was the doctors.

I remained in the kitchen by myself for about ten minutes before my mother finally came in.

"Layla, you have a visitor," she said.

I stood and followed her back into the dining room, expecting to see one of my old friends, someone that I had gone to school with or even the fifteen-year old boy that lived down the road and had a crush on me. However, I was way off. There was immediate relief as soon as I saw his tight blue jeans, worn in leather jacket and wild hair.

I ran to Logan and wrapped my arms around his neck. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Chuck said you needed to come home,"

I stood back away from him. "You came all the way down here just to get me? How did you get here?"

"Me and Scooter flew down here," he said. "Were you cryin'?"

"Yeah, I'm fine though," I said, smiling at him. "I'm just glad you're here,"

"You wanna' go get your stuff?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah, come with me," I said then turned around and realized that my whole family was staring at us. I took in a deep breath and then let it out. "Everyone, this is Logan. I hope that I've provided the comic relief that you were so desperately seeking from me, because he's here to take me back home,"

"Layla, this is ridiculous, you don't have to leave, there's no point init," my mother said.

"No, what's ridiculous is that I ever thought that I could come back home again. All you ever do is make fun of me and now I'm just short of being accused of killing Ben,"

"No one said that,"

"Uncle Rodney just sat there and said that I could have done more when _I_ was the one who had to give CPR to my brother while he had blood pouring out of his mouth,"

"That's why we want you to see a therapist, he could help you,"

"No one's going to be able to just listen to me and know how I feel. Yeah, ya'll lost a son, Natalie lost her brother, too, a grandson, a nephew, but I lost that _and_ my best friend. He was the only person who kept me here, because we were going to leave _together_. Nothing I do is good enough and I know why ya'll feel that way, but for my sake, let me go to New York and live where I don't have to worry about disappointing anyone,"

My mother nodded her head. "Okay, fine, go to Westchester and live your life without us. We can just lose our daughter, too," she said to me, her voice beginning to crack as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Don't; do _not_ do this to me. For the past ten years, I have been nothing but a burden on you and daddy and you have never hidden that from me. So, I don't know why you care that I've decided to move, I thought that ya'll would be happy, you get rid of me, finally,"

"A burden, why do you think that you were a burden on us?" my father asked.

They were doing a phenomenal job painting themselves rosy in front of my family, knowing that I wouldn't bring up my being a mutant. Too bad they didn't know me as well as they thought they did.

"You know exactly why; you've tried making me feel guilty about being who I am, about being me. I can't change how I was born, it's not my fault and you know what; I don't care, because I'm happy and secure with who and what I am,"

"Oh my word, you're gay!" my grandmother gasped.

"She has a _boyfriend_," my Aunt May whispered to her loudly.

"Well, what's such a big deal, then?" she asked back in her own loud whisper.

I shook my head. There was almost a twinge of humor in the conversation. "I'm a mutant," I announced.

My mother burst into tears and my father stood and walked away from the table. Natalie followed him while the rest of my family looked at me in shock.

I felt Logan's hand on my back and I felt as though he were telling me that I could fall back and be safe. That's what Logan was to me; safety, comfort, peace, everything that I felt had been missing from me.

"They hate you, all of them. They're scared of you and they have every right to be. You're a freak, a genuine freak of nature and you disgust every single one of them. You're filthy, dirty and gross. Just take a knife from the table and slit your wrist. At least this way you can give them the satisfaction of seeing you die in front of them. You made them suffer because you let Ben die when it should have been you. You can make it up to them by being one less thing they have to worry about," one of the voices said very loudly in my head. They had both been speaking the entire day, but right then, they seemed particularly loud.

"Your poor momma and daddy, it's no wonder that they feel the way that they do. I would feel crazy too if I had to live with this problem," my grandmother spat.

"There is no _problem_," Logan said, speaking to my family for the first time.

"Well, I'm sorry, but in this family, it is," Uncle Rodney said.

"Why don't you go get your stuff? I'm gonna' stay right here," Logan said to me and I turned to look at him nervously. I didn't want him to get into a fight with my family over me. He apparently knew exactly what I was thinking. "I know darlin', just go get your stuff and I'll take you home,"

"Take her home; do they know what she is up there?" My Aunt May asked with distaste in her voice.

"Obviously they don't or they wouldn't let her work around those kids. That would be putting those students in danger," her husband answered for me.

"Danger? What are you talking about; I would _never_ hurt those kids!"

"Layla, go get your stuff," Logan ordered forcefully.

"No, I want to know what he's talking about,"

"No, you're gonna' go to your room, get your stuff and then we're gonna' leave,"

"I want to know what he meant by that,"

"You know what he meant," Logan growled and it was true; I did know. However, I wasn't about to say that the whole school was full of mutants. That was also something that Logan knew.

"Fine, I'll be right back, just wait for me," I said then turned to leave the dining room. There seemed to be a million sounds and voices coming from everywhere and I couldn't distinguish one from the other. I wanted to know what Logan was saying to my family, but I couldn't hear him over everything else.

I continued my way upstairs to my room. I stuffed my bag with my things as fast as I could, which was pretty fast considering that I hadn't brought much with me. I pulled on my coat and scarf before heading out into the hallway. I passed by Ben's old room, shook my head and kept walking. I didn't have time to stand and get emotional, not right then. When I got to the top of the staircase, I ran down them as quickly as possible and met Logan at the bottom. I didn't ask what he said to my family, and he didn't tell me, but none of them said goodbye to me and I thought it was just as well.

Together we walked outside and down to the old construction site, which was only about four blocks away. That's where they had landed the jet and we both boarded as soon as Scott turned off the invisibility controls.

"Hey Scott," I said, settling into the chair closest to the front. "Thanks for coming to get me,"

"No problem, it was either that or do dishes," he said to me jokingly, giving me a smile. "Actually, you better thank Logan, he was the one who threw me in here and told me to fly it,"

I had no doubts that the events actually happened that way and I looked over at Logan who was sitting in the seat next to mine, buckling himself in. "Thank you," I whispered to him. He just took my hand and kissed it.

Logan was no saint, but he always knew how to save me.


	4. Unspoken Secrets

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to anything, except the typos, those are all mine, baby!

Sidenote: Short but to the point chapter, I hope everyone likes. As for the whole Rogue being pregnant thing, I totally apologize, the fiction archives have some stories in there where the characters get very creative in order to step around her mutation and I guess I just forgot that everyone hasn't read what I have. Sorry! If you want to check out the site, you can see what I mean. Even if you don't feel like reading any of the stories there, the site is fantastic and one of the best, so you can check it out. On with the story, please enjoy!

* * *

The months soon slipped away as the calendar flew through December, January, February, March and the April. May seemed to be the longest month for everyone. The students were to get summer break at the end, Rogue was due on the twenty-ninth and all of the staff would finally get some time off. However, in those past five months, things had gotten worse for me. I was barely working with Dr. Grey and the voices that had just started out in my head as one, quickly became three, then five, then seven. Soon there so many voices filling my head that I could hardly understand what people were saying unless I was paying very close attention to how their mouths moved. But it wasn't just that, other things were happening to me as well. When someone would talk, there had been times when I could literally see the words falling from their mouth. People's faces would distort, their eyes would go black and sink in. I would see people on the street and think they were following me. I had become obsessive over wearing my crosses. There could be no time where I wasn't wearing one, and had resorted to showering with my rosary on. When I wasn't in the shower, I would usually wear three, four or even five at a time. In short, my worst fear had come true; I was going crazy. Functioning on a daily basis became a task, communicating with people was hard for me to do, and although he never said anything about it or showed it, it was putting a strain on my relationship with Logan. He had started dating an almost normal person who had then turned into an obsessive, paranoid, lunatic. I was scared to say anything to anyone because I know how other people treat crazy people. It wasn't enough for me to be a mutant, but I had to be a crazy one as well.

* * *

I woke up with every voice in my head talking. Some were telling me to smother myself, fill up my bathtub and drown myself, or even to take a belt and hang myself in the closet. It was like that every morning and it took more self-control than I had ever had to use to not do what they told me. No matter how bad it got, I went on with my day.

I pulled myself from my bed and forced myself into a mildly warm shower. I pulled on a clean pair of scrubs, dried my hair and left for breakfast, but met Scott in the hallway on my way down.

"Good morning, Layla," he said.

"Morning," I said with a smile. Not quite sure that he had actually said what I thought I heard, I attempted to sound as though I were the one who had said it first.

"Listen, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked me as he stopped and turned to me in the hall.

I quickly pieced together what he had said and then nodded my head. "Yeah, sure,"

He placed his hands at his waist, twisted his mouth and then let out a sigh. "Jean's been having difficulties with her powers lately; she can hear people's thoughts involuntarily,"

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine, the Professor's helping her to get control back over it, but the problem is that she's afraid she'll have to work alone until she's okay again. I'm really sorry, we both are, and she would have told you herself but one of the kids got sick this morning and she had to leave early. You'll still get paid and at the end of the summer you can go back to work again, but your thought track is a little fast and loud for her right now, I'm really sorry,"

"No, don't be," I said, grasping the fact that she could hear and had been listening to all of the voices in my head. I was sure that she was actually fine but didn't want to have a crazy person working with her. "I have an overly active thought process; I can only imagine what it's like for someone else to have to listen to. Tell her that I hope she gets it sorted out and if she ever needs any help, she can just yell at me,"

"I'm going to go down to the infirmary and check on her, so I'll tell her. I'll see you down at breakfast, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll see you down there," I said as I moved towards the staircase and he walked over to the elevator.

I slowly walked down the stairs and when I got to the bottom, I saw a very pregnant Rogue waddling past.

"How are feeling today?" I asked.

"Alright, she's kickin' me like crazy, though,"

"She's anxious to get out," I joked.

"We both are,"

"You don't have much longer to go," I said as Logan came up behind her.

"There she goes kickin' again," she said. "Here Logan, feel." She grabbed his hand and placed in on her stomach.

Rogue laughed at him as he looked up at her and smiled. "She's gonna' kick her way outta' there pretty soon," he said, then looked at me and winked.

"Don't get any ideas," I said to him with a laugh.

"Well, I gotta' go feed both of us," she told us and Logan gave her a kiss on top of the head.

"Alright," he said and then stayed where he was while she walked to the dining hall. We were both quiet for a moment as we looked at each other. "How are you doin' today?"

"I'm okay," I said slowly, nodding my head. It had been a year since my brother Ben had died, and in some ways, it seemed longer.

"I, uh, saw this the other day and got it for you," he said, reaching into and pulling something out from his pocket. I walked over to him and he placed a silver chain necklace with a small cross attached to it, into my hand.

I looked up at him and wasn't sure what to say. "Thank you," I said simply.

He pushed the hair out of my eyes, leaned down, and gave me a kiss. "Go out with me tonight," he said.

"Are you asking me or telling me to?"

"Both,"

"Well," I said, pressing my forehead to his. "Since you asked so nicely,"

"I don't want you sittin' around here feelin' bad tonight,"

"Thank you," I said, giving him a hug. He hugged me back. "Yeah, let's do something, what did you have in mind?"

"That's a surprise darlin', I can't tell you,"

"Hm, I guess I can accept that,"

"Good, let's go eat then,"

Logan rarely surprised me, he was usually straightforward with me about things, but so far that day, he had given me a new necklace and said that he was taking me out. I wasn't sure if he was actually wanting to make me feel better or if he was trying to keep our relationship working. I had been distant in those past few months and it didn't matter what that night was for, I wanted to make it up to him.

* * *

It felt odd not to work. Even when Dr. Grey would let me take time off, I would usually work for a couple of hours at least, but that day I just wandered around the school, peeking into everyone's classes to watch them teach for a while. Professor Xavier invited me in to listen to his lesson, but I passed, deciding that I wanted to call home and see how my momma and daddy were doing. The Professor said I could use his office phone so that I could have some privacy.

His office was decorated with various plaques and degrees as well as photos of his friends, staff, a few that I assumed to be his family, and one of him and Magneto when they were only around twenty years old. I never felt out of place there, even when I was younger and would have to go there because I was in trouble; he always made me feel comfortable there. Though, admittedly, it did still feel odd to be there as an adult. It was odd to have a relationship with the people who had, only years before, been just teachers and authority figures. Had I been merely two years younger, I would have been in school when Logan had first started teaching. Things work themselves out so brilliantly and amazingly, always surprising me.

I picked up the phone and dial the home phone number that, no matter how long it had been since my last call home, seemed etched onto my brain. There was a ring, two, three, four, five and then the answering machine picked up. It was odd to think that they wouldn't be home at that time in the afternoon and I knew that they had called I.D., but I decided to leave a message.

"Hey momma, daddy, I guess you're not home right now but I just wanted to call and see how you were. I uh, I'm sorry, I want ya'll to know that I really am. For everything," I said and then I heard the phone pick up and my heart began to pound. Then I heard a click. They had hung up on me.

I couldn't help it, I started crying and soon I was sobbing violently. I had only meant to stand up for myself, to show them that I was no longer a little kid that they could make fun of and tease. However, I had some how screwed that up. I didn't know if my family was mad, hurt, scared or whatever at me, they hadn't explained, they just were. Maybe I deserved it, maybe I over reacted, maybe I was far too sensitive and maybe, just maybe, it was all true.

* * *

I had just pulled on my T-shirt and was fastening the new necklace that Logan had bought me around my neck, when I heard Logan's distinctive knock on my door.

"Yeah, come in," I called out. I heard the door open and him walk into the room, then shut the door. "I've got to put on my shoes and then I'm done," I said, walking from my bathroom into my bedroom, where I saw Logan standing in his uniform.

"We're gonna' have to wait to go out," he said lamely, not looking right at me.

I cleared my throat. I was upset, I hated when he left for any mission and I had been excited about going out, but he was clearly angry enough for the both of us, so I tried not to show it to him. "I can wait, it's fine. How long are you supposed to be gone, though?"

"Scooter said a couple of days,"

"A real couple as in two or as in like four or five?"

"Hopefully two,"

"Okay," I said, nodding my head and biting my lip.

"I wouldn't have said yes to it but they said they needed me and Chuck doesn't want Drake goin' anywhere while Marie's waitin' on the baby,"

"No, I know, it's fine," I said. "Where are you going?"

"Newark,"

"That's not too bad," I said with a slight forced smile. "But listen; I know you don't like Scott, but he's the leader and even if you don't trust him, the Professor does and I know that you trust Xavier, so just listen to Scott when he tells you what to do. If you don't do your job then he can't do his and his job is to bring you back home to me, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," he said, placing a warm, leather gloved hand against my cheek.

"So don't do anything stupid," I said and he cocked an eyebrow at me. "Any more stupid that usual,"

"We'll try and get back as soon as we can,"

"Don't. Do what it takes to get it done right in however long it takes to do it. I don't want you to mess up by trying to speed through things just to get home sooner,"

He picked up the cross charm that hung from the necklace he had given me earlier that day, which sat atop of my pile of four others. "Why do you need some many of these?" he asked. He was to the point of realizing that I no longer enjoyed wearing them, but felt as though I needed them.

"Protection," I admitted.

He looked up at me from the cross he was holding. "From what?"

The voices in my head were all screaming for me not to tell him. They said that I was stupid, that _he_ thought I was stupid, crazy and not worth his explanation for leaving. Some said for me to just leave, to ask him to leave and others wanted me to ask him to please use his claws and kill me. They wanted me to do a million things at once and wouldn't stop screaming at me. I never had moments of peace and I felt scared, alone and like breaking down.

I swallowed hard and cast my eyes down, staring at his boots and my bare feet. "Me," I whispered.

He didn't say anything and I thought for a moment that he was just going to walk away and leave me. "What's going that you're not tellin' me about?" I didn't answer him; I just played with the rosary around my wrist. He swore then grabbed me by the shoulders; forcing my body inline with his and tilting my face back up to meet his eyes. "Tell me what's wrong," he demanded.

"I _can't_," I said, straining back tears.

"Why?"

"Because,"

"Because _why_?"

"I just can't,"

"Fine,"

There was a knock on my door. "Logan, we've got to go," Scott called through it.

"Yeah, I'll be right down there," Logan called back.

"Okay, try to hurry up, though," Scott said, walking away.

"I'll see you when we get back," he said, turning from me and heading towards the door.

"Logan, please don't be mad at me," I cried, tears running down my cheeks.

He turned back to me once he reached the door. "I'm not mad at you darlin', it's not your fault you don't trust me," he spat.

"I _do_ trust you, that's not what it's about,"

"Then what is it about? Why can't you talk to me about anything?"

"I do talk to you,"

"Not about what's botherin' you, you can't ever talk about that, can you?"

"You never tell me about your dreams, so don't act like I'm the only one,"

"You wanna' hear about me dreams, you wanna' know about how they cut me open, pumped me full of metal and turned me into an animal? You wanna' hear about all the people I killed to get outta that place, what do you want, I'll tell you but you gotta tell me what's goin' on," he said, his anger bubbling over into his voice, making it rise.

He was screaming at me, the voices were screaming at me and I felt as if I couldn't even think. "I _can't_,"

"All right," he said then turned, opened my door and left.

I felt to the floor right where I was standing and cried. Why was this happening to me? My life was falling down around me and I was watching it all from what felt like a third party view. I could see it happening, but I didn't know how to stop it. I didn't know how to deal with everything that was going on but I was too scared to ask for any help, because I was afraid that everyone would think that I was some crazed psychopath, but maybe I was. Maybe I had a real, genuine problem and _needed_ help. I didn't know what to do about it or anything else. It had gotten me laid off from my job and I had hurt Logan because of it. Terrified of what was happening, I just laid in my floor, sobbing, for hours until my body was finally too weak to stay awake and I cried myself to sleep, wishing that I didn't have to ever wake up.

* * *

I woke up hours later, tired and cold on my floor. I didn't want to move, but my throat was sore and I needed a glass of water. I slowly pulled myself from my floor, went to my closet, then pulled out a sweatshirt and pulled it on. I didn't even want to look at myself in the mirror; I knew that I had to look rough. I had been wearing black eyeliner and mascara that I was sure was streaked across my face.

It was almost one in the morning, so I walked down the hall very quietly and took the elevator to the first floor. The school was quiet but everything seemed loud as the voices in my head were talking and yelling and screaming all at once. The kitchen was dark and empty and I was glad; the last thing I wanted was to see anyone. I flipped on the light, pulled a glass from one of the cabinets and filled it with water from the sink. My throat was aching from where I had been crying so hard and the cool water seemed to be enough to sooth it. However, I was shaking, though I didn't know why, perhaps again from crying so much, causing my hand to shake and drop the glass. It fell to the floor and I jumped back to avoid being cut by the falling shards of glass as it shattered on the ground. I wanted to scream, to cry again, but I felt too tired to do even that. I _was_ tired, incredibly so. I felt as though everything had been building up to that day and then it was thrusted all on me at once.

"Just pick up one of the pieces of glass and drag it along your wrist. Everything will stop, it won't be loud and you can get some rest. No more disappointing anyone, no more bothering them, just peace and quiet," a voice said loudly, amidst the sea of others inside my head. I looked down at the glass and decided he was right.

I picked up one of the larger pieces and turned on the water in the sink. I stuck my wrist underneath it and even with all of the chaos going on in my life and inside my head, I felt oddly calm about it all. I took a slow breath, then took the glass and pressed it into my skin, feeling the immediate sting of pain as it cut through my flesh. I pressed it down harder, forcing it deeper and then I pulled it across the inside of my wrist, slicing through the sensitive skin. Blood was pouring from it, which turned the water that was running over it to a diluted red color.

There was a mixture of feelings that washed over me; happiness, sadness, satisfaction, regret, pain, there was pain, fear. I heard the voices laugh at me, tell me that I was stupid and deserved to die. I squeezed my hands tight at the itchy, stinging pain that I felt and then when I felt a new pain in my right hand, I realized that I had been holding the piece of glass in it still, and had cut my palm as well. I dropped it and fell back against the counter, sliding down until I was sitting in the floor. Have you ever been sick and you could feel the color drain from your face? I sort of felt like that right then, only much worse. Every single one of the voices was screaming and I couldn't understand any of them. I put my hands up and covered my ears, trying to block them out, but it didn't work. I began to cry, knowing that soon their ear deafening yells would stop as I slipped into a state of unconsciousness to die.

I watched the lights in the kitchen fade, the loss of blood making me dizzy. I looked down at the blood that was dripping from my palm onto my rosary. As I say there feeling that soon I would finally have some peace, I hoped that they would burry me with my crosses.


	5. The Truth of It All

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my obsession with Wolverine, he's such a fun character to play with, who wouldn't love him? Besides, he says it's okay for me to write stories about him, he thinks they're fun to read. I hope you do, too, here's the next chapter, please enjoy!

* * *

I opened my eyes slowly and saw a dim fluorescent light blinking above me. There was a blur of sound before anything became clear and I could make out familiar voices. However, I soon realized they were just that; voices. The ones in my head. I tried moving, but then found out that I was attached to something that I realized was an IV and my left arm was incredibly sore. I looked around, a pounded headache breaking into my head and I saw a door a few feet away from where I was lying, in a bed. As I was watching it, the door swung open and I saw Logan, followed closely by Dr. Grey, walk into the room where I was.

He swore at me. "I want you to tell me what's wrong. Right now, no excuses," he said angrily, walking to my bed and bending down, looking me straight in the eye.

At that time, everything was still so incredibly confusing to me that I had no idea what was going on, what he was talking about or why he was mad at me. "Where am I?" I asked, continuing to look around. I felt drained, just completely weak and only wanted answers.

"You're in a hospital," he said, still clearly angry.

"Why?"

"'Cause you tried killin' yourself,"

It suddenly hit me like a brick wall and I remember what happened, but I had lived, and that wasn't part of the plan. Not that I had actually had a plan; I had just done what I was told to do.

I closed my eyes. "Oh yeah," I said lamely.

"Oh yeah?" he repeated. "Open up your eyes and look at me,"

I opened them back up. "I'm tired," I said breathlessly. "What do you want?"

"I was down in Newark with Summers, hadn't slept 'cause I'd been workin' when I get a call at nearly two in the mornin' that Marie had found you layin' in the kitchen with your wrists slit and covered in blood, so I don't care if you're tried, I am too, you're gonna' tell me what's goin' on,"

"I can't,"

He slammed his hand down on the post of my bed, making me jump. "Don't give me that, something's wrong with you and you're gonna' tell me what it is and why you tried killin' yourself,"

Jean wasn't much help to either of us; she just stood there quietly and observed our conversation.

I looked down at my hands, which were folded in my lap. "Where's my rosary?" I asked, panic rising in me.

"I've got 'em and you can have 'em back when you tell me why you need 'em,"

"Those are _mine_; I have to have them back Logan, please!"

"Tell me what's goin' on and I'll give 'em all back to you darlin',"

Desperation welled up inside of me and I realized then how far gone I was. I was lying in a hospital bed, at what looked to still be early in the morning because I had tried to kill myself. I _was_ crazy and I needed help.

"I hear things," I started out quietly, tears beginning to form in my eyes. "They're voices. It started out as just one and then after a few of months, there was another one. Since I moved to the school they've gotten worse, there's more and more of them now. I don't know how many, I lost count after twelve. They talk so loudly at times, it's hard for me to concentrate on what's really going on around me. There's noise going on at all times, I never get any peace. I wear all of the crosses because they all tell me to kill myself and I thought that if I wore them, I could keep myself from doing anything bad, but I couldn't,"

"How long has this been going on?" Jean asked.

"About a year, I guess,"

"Why today, why now, though?" Logan asked and I knew that he felt somewhat responsible.

"Everything just got so hard. Dr. Grey couldn't work with me because of it, it was the day Ben died and when I tried to call home, my parents hung up on me. Then you got mad at me and I just felt _so_ tired of it all. I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to go to the kitchen for that, I went for some water but I accidentally dropped the glass. Then one of them told me that I should just kill myself, that I could finally rest that way and I listened to it. It was stupid, I know, I'm sorry," I cried, my body convulsing from my violent sobbing.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. "Or Jean, or Chuck? Why didn't you say something?"

"You had enough to deal with, I piled you up with enough of my problems, I didn't want you to think I was crazy,"

He lowered his head, not looking at me. "What do we need to do to help you get better?"

"I don't know,"

"Jean?" he asked, looking back at Dr. Grey.

"I don't know either, Logan, I'm not qualified to say, this isn't my field. You'll have to ask another doctor,"

"No, you can't tell anyone, please, I don't want anyone to know,"

"Layla, you have to have someone check this out, they might be able to help you," Jean told me.

"They'll think I'm crazy, _please_ don't tell anyone,"

"You're not crazy; it sounds like Schizophrenia. I didn't realize that what you were hearing were voices, I just thought it was your own thoughts," she said letting out a sigh. "They have medicine that can help you with that now, though,"

"I'm scared," I whispered.

Logan bent down and kissed my forehead. "Don't be scared, I'm gonna' take care of you,"

"We all will, we'll do whatever it takes to make you better," Jean said. "I'm going to leave the two of you and let you talk, if you need me I'm going to check of Rogue and you can just call her room,"

"Rogue's here, is she okay?" I asked.

"She went into early labor; she's going to be fine, though,"

"What happened?"

She looked pained at the question and seemed to be debating on whether to tell me the truth. "When she found you in the kitchen, it startled her and put some stress on the baby,"

"I didn't mean to do that, I promise. Please tell her that I'm _so_ sorry," I said, continuing to cry.

"I know, she understands, and they're both going to be okay, don't worry about it,"

"I just feel so bad, I didn't mean for any of this to happen this way,"

"It's okay, we're going to take care of it and all three of you are going to come home and we'll take care of all of you." I closed my eyes, tears streaming down my face from my tightly closed lids. "I'm going to go and check on her now, I'll come and see how you are a little later and see if you feel like having any visitors,"

"Okay," I said, nodding my head.

I opened my eyes to see her smile at me. "Get some rest," she said, they walked to the door, opened it and left.

I tried to lift my hand to wipe away the tears from my face, but they were both sore, one from the IV and the other from where I had cut it, and I couldn't quite move either one. Logan realized what I was doing and wiped them away for me. "Thank you,"

"I'm sorry for yellin' at you,"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about what was bothering me, but they kept telling me that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore if you knew what was happening to me and I didn't want that to happen,"

"It's not goin' to," he said, pushing the hair away from my face.

"You promise?"

He nodded at me. "Yeah, I'm not goin' anywhere, darlin',"

"Can I have my crosses back?" I asked.

"Are they botherin' you in there?" he asked, grazing my forehead with his hand.

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Can I please have them back?"

He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a plastic bag with all of the crosses that I had been wearing in it. He took out my silver, gothic cross necklace and when I lifted my head, he fastened it around my neck. He patiently fastened the other four on for me as well and when he got to my rosary, he gently wrapped it around my wrist.

"Did it hurt?" he asked.

It was such an ironic fate that a man who cannot die and a girl who tried to kill herself should be together, both searching for a cure that we were never sure that we would ever find.

I swallowed hard. "Yes,"

"Do you regret doin' it?"

"I don't know. I regret it not working, I just wanted everything to stop, I didn't care how,"

"You're gonna' get better, Jean knows doctors and they can help you, but you gotta' promise me you won't do this again,"

"I'll try, I can promise that, I don't know how to promise you anything else, that's the best I can do,"

"Then I'll take it," he said.

He moved, sat on my hospital bed and then lay down beside me. There was a grown man, over six foot tall, three hundred pounds, who swore, smoked cigars and chugged whiskey like water, lying beside me, petting me, stroking my hair and whispering to me that every was going to be okay. I needed nothing more than that at that particular moment.

"Thank you for taking care of me, you always know how to make me feel better; I like you for that,"

He kissed me on my forehead. "I love you,"

I managed a smile. "It's about time you started saying so," I joked.

"Why were you waitin' on me to say it first, then?"

"I tell you that I like you all the time,"

"There's not a difference?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Well, I've always loved you, I just didn't like you. You know how I am; quite to jump into loving someone just to get hurt, which make me not trust or like people. So, when I realized that I liked you, I was excited and told you because I rarely like people. I _do_ trust you Logan, more than anyone else. I know that you'll tell me the truth and that everything you do is real because you're not someone who cares what other people think of you and I can always count on you to be honest with me, even if it hurts sometimes. It means a lot to me to be able to trust you and I'm really sorry if you can't trust me anymore," I said, the tears that I had thought were finally done, sprung back to life in my eyes.

He pressed his mouth to the side of my face and cradled it in his hands. "I still trust you, I know you were scared and I'm sorry for accusin' you of not trustin' me. I'm gonna' take care of you, so don't worry about anything,"

"I love you,"

"I love you too, darlin',"

* * *

"Oh my word, she's beautiful!" I gushed, looking at the tiny baby in Rogue's arms.

It had been two days since Rogue and I had been admitted into the hospital and they had let me go down to the third floor to see the baby, who was absolutely adorable. Although the doctors had no known whether or not when she was born, if Rogue would be able to touch her, but luckily for her, she could. Perhaps it was because the baby was part of her that allowed her touch to be normal, not fatal.

"Thank you," she smiled. "You wanna' hold her, Logan? Besides Layla I think you're the only one who hasn't held her yet,"

He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head nervously. "Uh," he stammered and everyone laughed at him.

"You won't break her, I promise,"

"Yeah," he said, looking incredibly nervous.

"Here, go to Uncle Logan," she said, slipping her into Logan's arms.

"Are ya'll going to call her Josephine or Joey?" I asked.

"Joey," Bobby answered.

I looked at her from where I stood behind Logan and there was an overwhelming realization that unless I got my sickness under control, I would never know the joy of having my own children. I couldn't, and wouldn't, put a child into a life where their mother wasn't secured a healthy future. And what if it was hereditary? I would never be able to live with myself if I thought that my own selfish want of a family would force another person to live the way that I had in that near twelve months.

Joey opened her eyes and blinked, looking up at Logan, then she smiled at him.

"I think she likes you," I said, smiling at him as well.

Though he was still completely and utterly nervous, he looked happy, which made _me_ happy. Those couple of day that I had been there, he had stayed right with me as I had talked to doctor after doctor about what was wrong with me. After going through quite a few different tests by each, plus a couple of CAT scans there at the hospital, they had diagnosed me with Schizophrenia, a sickness in my mind. I couldn't be cured, but they had all agreed on prescribing me a strong antipsychotic. I was meant to start them that day and stay in the hospital for a week so that they could check on me. Logan instantly asked for Storm to bring some of his stuff down so he could stay with me. He had been so incredibly supportive of me that I almost felt guilty for ever thinking he wouldn't be.

I placed a hand on one shoulder and my chin on the other, watching as Joey closed her eyes and decided she wanted to go back to sleep. It was sad to think that right then she was so young, so innocent and yet she would have to grow up in a world that hated her parents and all of her family. Then it struck me; _I_ was part of that little baby's family. Everyone in that room, the Drakes, the Summers, Logan and everyone who was at the school, we were all family. I didn't know if my medication had kicked in already or if I simply just realized at that point that I didn't need my family at home to accept me, my family there did. However, my sudden epiphany was shot down in scale quite a bit when a nurse came into Rogue's room.

"Is there a Miss Jameson in here?" she asked.

"That's me," I said, turning around.

"A nurse on your floor just called and asked for you to come back to your room as soon as possible,"

"Okay," I said, then turned back around, facing Rogue and Bobby. "If I don't see ya'll again before you go home, I love you guys and be careful; I want to hold that baby when I get better,"

"All right, we will," Rogue said with a smile.

"I'm gonna' go with you," Logan said, trying to pass Joey back to Rogue gently so as not to wake her.

"No, stay here, you haven't spent enough time with them, I'll be okay on my own,"

"We live in the same house, I'll spend time with 'em later, I'm goin' with you,"

I gave him a look and debated arguing with him, but I knew it would just be pointless, so I decided against it. "Fine, bye guys,"

"Bye," the all said as Logan and I left the room, following the nurse.

We took the elevator up two floors and walked down the maze of halls before making our way back to my room. When I pushed open my door, I saw both of my parents standing there, waiting for me.

Never in my life had there ever been another time when I had wanted to run away so badly buy felt completely glued to the floor. I'm not sure that I had ever actually understood that phrase, 'Glued to the floor', not before right then, when I literally felt as though my feet could not move from the spot where I was standing.

I attempted to speak, but no words would come out. "What are you doing here?" I asked when I finally found my voice.

"We got a call saying that you had cut your wrists and were in the hospital, that's what we're doing here," my mother answered.

"My _wrist_, actually, it's singular, I only cut one of them and why do ya'll care what I do with my self? We haven't spoken in over five months and when I called a few days ago, one of ya'll hung up on me,"

"The doctors said you have a mental disorder, I think you're remembering things wrong," said my father tactlessly.

"Yeah, well, they said it was Schizophrenia, not amnesia, so I think I'm good for remembering what happened just fine and I would appreciate you to either explain a helpful reason for why you're here or please leave. I'm under enough stress as it is, I don't need ya'll up here picking on and criticizing me for everything that I do,"

"Miss Jameson," Scarlet, the nurse who had been working me hall that day, said as she walked into my room. "I'm afraid that your visitors will have to leave, visiting hours are over,"

"We're her parents," my mother said.

"Well, I apologize, but there can only be _one_ member of the family staying with her,"

"Then I'll stay here with her," she said.

"So your husband's finally goin home to get some rest?" she smiled.

"You _married_ him?" my mother nearly shrieked.

"No, we didn't get married and he's staying here,"

"He's not a member of your family,"

"Well I don't care, 'cause I'm not leavin',"

"Well, I'm sorry but if Miss Jameson wants her boyfriend to stay then you'll have to leave," Scarlet said.

"We've flown all the way from Tennessee here to New York and we've barely got to speak to her," my mother argued.

"I apologize but visiting hours ended at eight o'clock and it's time for her to take another dose of her medication, so you'll have to leave,"

"We were informed that our daughter has just been diagnosed with a server mental disorder and so I don't believe she's capable of making a decision like this on her own and as her parents, I think we should be able to decide for her," my father told my nurse.

"I have Schizophrenia, I hear voices, but I am perfectly capable of making an informative decision on my own and even if I couldn't, I would sign that right over to someone from the school, not ya'll," I said. "I'm tired, I need to take my medicine and maybe if you call tomorrow, I might let you in during visiting hours, but right now, I just want to go to sleep,"

Begrudgingly, they left, I was given my medicine and I changed into my pajamas. After that, I walked back into my room and saw Logan sitting in the chair beside my bed, drifting off to sleep. I smiled. He had to be just absolutely tired, he had stayed up, watching me, taking care of me and had barely slept the entire time while I was there. Which had to have been hard since he had hardly slept the night I had been admitted. He had been going on less than eight hours of sleep in three days. I went to him and kissed his forehead. He opened his eyes and sat up straighter from where he was slumping in his chair.

"Hey, it's okay, go back to sleep," I said to him.

"No, I'm good," he lied.

"No you're not, you're making me tired just looking at you. Why don't you pull out that couch-bed thing and sleep on it? I'm not going to go anywhere; nothing's going to happen to me and you _need_ some sleep,"

He looked up at me skeptically, but he must have known it was true. "Alright, fine," he said, standing.

"Good night, I love you," I said, wrapping my arms around him. He kissed the top of my head and held me to him for a few minutes. "Am I ever going to get better?"

"I don't know," he said honestly. "But I'm gonna' take care of you no matter what,"

"I don't want to be a burden on you Logan, you never wanted this, you don't deserve it,"

"Hey, listen to me, if I didn't want this, I wouldn't be here. Have you ever known me to do something I don't want?"

"No,"

"And you're right; I don't deserve it, because I don't deserve you. You're a person Layla, a _person_, not some stupid disease, all right? I don't care what happens, this is what I want, you got that?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding my head. I then kissed his shoulder, his neck and then his mouth. "Do you have any idea how much to mean to me? I love you so much,"

"I love you too, and we're gonna' be alright, darlin', don't worry,"

But I did worry. I was scared out of my mind and my worst fear of people thinking, and at that point, knowing, that I was crazy, had come true.

* * *

I sat up in bed, letting out a small scream. Logan jumped from the pull out couch that he had been sleeping on and looking around the room wildly, still half-asleep.

"What's wrong, are you alright?" he asked, turning to me.

"Yeah, sorry, I had a bad dream," I said just as a nurse came running into my room.

"What's going on in here?" she asked.

"I just had a nightmare, I'm sorry, I'm fine," I said.

She looked from me, to Logan then back to me again. "Okay," she said then turned and left.

I desperately fought back tears. I was tired of crying. Actually, I was just plain tired. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," I apologized.

He sat down on my bed beside me and held me. "I don't care if you woke me up, it doesn't matter," he said, lying me back down on the bed, continuing to hold me. "Why are your dreams so bad, what are they about?"

I curled up to him, burying my face into his chest, still biting back tears. "They're about Ben, about when he died. I hate sleeping because I know I'll have them. I thought that after this long they would stop, but they haven't,"

"What happened?"

"He was sick and he started throwing up. The doctor had said it was a virus so I gave him some medicine to settle his stomach, but he got choked on it. I panicked and my mind went blank, I didn't know what to do, so I called an ambulance. I let him lie there for nearly two minutes, choking, and then he stopped breathing. I tried giving him CPR but when they got there, he was already dead. I should have known the symptoms of an Appendicitis and not given him any medicine. When he was choking, I should have turned him over so that he could get it up and I should have done more, but I didn't," I cried.

It had been the first time that I had told the truth about what had happened that day and I didn't feel relieved, I felt guiltier than I ever had and I just broke down.

"People react differently when stuff happens; it's not your fault that you didn't know what was wrong with him,"

"I'm a nurse; I'm _supposed _to know about that,"

"You were worried about taking care of him right then, doin' what you knew you should do. You probably didn't do everything you could've, but you knew to call an ambulance to help, you tried givin' him CPR, the only way that you could've done something wrong is if you didn't try, but you did,"

"I just miss him and think that if I could have done something different he could still be alive,"

"And if you had done something different then he might have died sooner,"

I let the thought sink in and found it oddly comforting. Nothing that I had thought or told myself had ever put what had happened into perspective quite as what he had said did. It may have been simple, yes, but it was the truth and even thought it didn't fix all that I had been feeling, I knew that he was right and that I could finally begin to accept it.


	6. Fighting It Through

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, so Marvel, matchbox20, all other people that I'm ripping off; please don't sue me, I'm a broke little girl and you'll get, maybe, eight or ten notebooks full of my stories, that's it. I do hope you enjoy though, so here's the next chapter!

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A wolverine is an animal that's related to the badger family. They like the cold, they're heavy sleepers and they can fight something fierce. They are predatory and are very protective of their families. Logan, who was also called Wolverine, wasn't very far off from his namesake.

"Why don't you just leave so that I can take care of my daughter? You don't know what she needs, we know how to take care of her and you don't," I heard my mother just outside my door as I was waking from my sleep.

"I don't know what she needs? I know her better than you and I know how to take care of her. What she doesn't need is you here tellin' her what to do," Logan said back.

"She's my daughter,"

"I don't care if she's your daughter, you haven't even talked to her since November and when she called, one of you hung up on her, so it doesn't seem to me like you really care too much about her,"

"How dare you accuse us of not caring about our daughter? You haven't known her for a year yet and you think that you know and care about her more than us?"

"See what you've done? You've got Logan and your mother fighting now. Neither of them actually cares about you; they pity you, because you're crazy. This is how you're going to live the rest of your life; depending on other people to always take care of you, to do everything for you because no one trusts you to be on your own anymore. You're sick and you'll never get better, so why don't you go into the bathroom, fill the sink with water and drown yourself in it, it'll all be much better afterwards," one of the voices said to me.

I stood from my bed and began to frantically search for the bag that Storm had brought me with all of my crosses in it. I was digging through the drawers of the table beside my bed, knocking things down in my search while muttering a prayer.

"Please God forgive me of my evil thoughts," I repeated it over and over before my door finally pushed open and Logan and my mother walked into the room.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked as I continued to look around the small hospital room.

"Where are my crosses?" I asked desperately.

"'Ro put 'em in your bag," he said, picking up my backpack that she had filled with some of my things from home. He pulled out the plastic bag and handed it to me, while trying to guide me back to my bed. I sat down and began adding on more of my necklaces until there were nine of them layered around my neck. "What happened?" he asked.

"They won't stop talking, they want me to try to kill myself again, I don't want to," I said, pulling my legs up to me and rocking back and forth.

He sat down beside me and held me, stopping my rocking. "You're not goin' to, I'm not gonna' let you,"

"I just want them to stop," I said, burying my face into his shoulder.

"They're goin' to; the doctors are workin' on makin' it better," he said, pulling me closer to him and holding me tighter. I wondered just how he always knew what to do to make me feel better. "Shh," he cooed, stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. He held me until I calmed down.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I didn't mean to freak out like that,"

"It's alright," he said.

"No it's not, if she doesn't learn to not get so out of control every time she hears voices, then she's going to end up hurting herself again," said my mother.

"I said I wasn't gonna' let her,"

"How? You couldn't even keep her from doing it the first time,"

He let out a low growl. "He was at work that night," I said, lifting my head from his shoulder to look up at her.

"Well, is he just going to quit so that he can keep up with you?"

"No, he's not going to quit his job to keep up with me. I'm not a little kid who needs someone to hold my hand everywhere I go," I said, offended by the fact that she didn't even know what I was going through and yet she thought she could just come in and tell me what I needed to do.

"You need someone who can stay with you at all times until your medicine starts working and you start getting better. He can't do that and still have a job, too,"

"I've taken time off," he said.

"What? No, Logan, you can't take time off from teach just to watch me,"

"I'm not, Chuck's movin' your job from workin' with Jean to helpin' me until school' out, I'm just not gonna' be goin' on any missions for a while,"

"You can't do that, without you there's only-"

"Scooter, Jean and 'Ro and Drake'll probably go out on some if he won't be gone long," he said, interrupting me.

"But they need _you_,"

"I don't care, 'cause right now, you need me more," he said.

"I needed you before any of this," I said with a light smile. "But thank you."

"This is very sweet and all," she said sarcastically. "But she doesn't need to be working while she's sick; I think she needs to go home,"

"She is gonna' go home,"

"I meant her real home, not that school full of-"

"Don't even say it, we're part of those freaks too, momma and you've already demeaned my decision making abilities, as well as being able to take care of myself, so I would appreciate it if you just didn't add to my list of reasons to be upset with you and daddy right now,"

"We weren't demeaning you; we were telling you the truth and trying to do what's best for you,"

"I'm an adult; I don't need you to tell me what to do anymore,"

"I don't care if you are an adult, you're still my daughter and I want to help you,"

"That's awfully funny considerin' you haven't seen her since Thanksgiving,"

"That's not our fault,"

"Then whose is it?" he asked as the door to my room pushed open.

"Good morning," Scott said cheerily, entering my room. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"Yes," said my mother.

"No," I said. "This is my momma, Lauren Jameson, I'm sure you remember her,"

"Yeah, hello Mrs. Jameson, I was just dropping off some breakfast for Layla and Logan, I didn't mean to bother you guys,"

"You're always botherin' us, we get used to it," Logan replied.

I gave him a light smack on the arm. "That's not true and you're not bothering us. Thank you for bringing us breakfast, if I have to eat Jell-O again, I might scream," I said, standing, walking over to him and giving him a hug.

"How are you doing today?" he asked, ending our short embrace and handing me a McDonald's bag.

"Good," I answered.

"No she's not, she broke down only a few minutes ago," my mother corrected.

"Well in comparison, I'm doing good today, I'm sorry that you haven't been here long enough to see a bad day, but this isn't one of them so far," I said, passing the bag Scott had handed me over to Logan, who was still sitting on my bed.

"Well, Jean and I decided we wanted to get you something to help you when you're having a bad day," he said, reaching into the pocket of his leather jacket, pulling out a box and handing it to me. I opened it and inside there was a Celtic cross on a beaded silver chain necklace.

"Oh wow, it's beautiful, thank you,"

"You're welcome; you deserve a little something to make you feel better,"

I fastened it around my neck, my new count of crosses adding up to ten, unless you counted my rosary, which made eleven. "Well, they do, so I really appreciate it,"

"Oh, I ordered your hamburger without mayonnaise and tomatoes, but they left the tomatoes on it, so I'm sorry about that,"

"Don't worry about it; I'll just pick them off,"

"Since when do you not like tomatoes?" my mother asked.

"Since I was like, seven or eight," I said, digging through the bag to find my hamburger. I pulled it out and sat back down on the bed beside Logan.

"But you would always eat them at dinner when you were little,"

"Actually, I would trade them with Ben for his green beans,"

There was a look on her face that I had only seen a couple of times before. It was the one where she realizes that there are people whom she barely knows, who know her own daughter better than her. Both times had happened when pertaining to the school. That had been the third time I had seen it.

"Well, I better go and uh, let you eat. I'll come back again tomorrow," she said, her whole demeanor changing.

"Can I talk to you for a second before you leave?" I asked.

"Yeah,"

"Guys, can you excuse us for a second?" Logan let out an aggravated growl as he stood. "Growl all you want later, go take a walk outside with Summers for a while, go smoke a cigar or something,"

"Yeah, let's go take a stroll," Scott said.

"I don't _stroll_," Logan growled as they both walked from my room.

"Momma, we seriously need to talk," I said once they left.

"About what?"

"About us, we're falling apart as a family; we have been ever since ya'll found out that I was a mutant. I didn't realize it until I got older, but going to school didn't help us, it just took me out of the picture. After that, I was going to college and worried about everything that was going on with it, then I started working as a nurse and again, I was too busy to notice that I didn't fit in with everyone still. It wasn't until after Ben died that I realized how things really were. I love you guys, and I know that ya'll love me, there's no doubt about that, but I feel that ya'll are ashamed of me because of who I am. I didn't choose to be like this, it's just how I was born. I'm sorry that you don't like, or understand or whatever it is that puts you off about my mutation, but it's me and I'm your daughter, your baby. I know that me being sick scares you, but it's a reality, _my_ reality, one that I've had to deal with sooner than I would have liked. I've talked to the doctors, Dr. Grey and Professor Xavier have talked to them too, and none of them believe that I need twenty-four hour attention devoted to taking care of me or else the Professor would have found someway to have that done. My medicine should start working soon and once it does, I will be perfectly capable of being on my own. I know this has been a hard year for you, it has been for all of us, and this is _not_ making any of it better. I may have flown off the handle at Thanksgiving, I don't know if it seemed as though I were blowing things out of proportion or not, because to me, it didn't seem that way, but it means a lot to me that you and daddy got on a plane and came here to check on me,"

"You told us to leave," she said, wiping away tears.

"I was mad at you. I called not even a week ago to see how you and daddy were and while I was leaving the message, you hung up on me. You haven't spoken to me in _months_, I've been having to deal with all of this on my own and then the two of you just come in and try telling me what to do and trying to make Logan leave, so yeah, I didn't want you here right then,"

"You're my daughter, I know how to take care of you better than anyone else, that's been my job your whole life and I'm sorry, but I don't believe that that…man, can take care of you,"

"He has been for the past seven months. He's been the only person who's stayed right with me the whole time that I've been here. They've all visited me from the school, but aside from going down the hall every once in a while to get me coffee or something, this is the first time that he's left me since I was admitted and if I hadn't asked him to, he wouldn't have left me just now."

"Does he love you?"

I paused. Had she asked me if I loved him, the answer would have been yes. And even with her asking if he loved me, I still felt it was a big, resounding, yes. However, there were voices telling me that it wasn't love, it was pity, that he didn't care about me the way that I did him and that as soon as I got better,_ if_ I ever got better, he would leave me. But I knew better than that.

"Yeah," I said, nodding my head. "He does love me, momma,"

"And you love him, too?"

"More than I've ever learned how to love someone. He's my heartbeat, my every breath, the color in everything that I see. I don't know that I could ever have gotten through all of this without him," I said, letting out a sigh.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is he all of that for you, why do you love him? You two are complete opposites of each other,"

"I think that we're everything the other one is lacking, so even though we are opposites of each other, we make up for it. He's done a lot and I learn from him. He doesn't tease me when I tell him what I want to do. I know that we're different, but we understand each other and that makes it easy to talk to him, which is why we get along so well,"

"But why are you in _love_ with him?"

"Because I know how not to be," I said. And it was the truth, with all that was in me, I knew it was the truth.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked.

"You can stay here if you and daddy promise not to try and get in the middle of my business,"

"Or?" she asked.

"Or you can go home and when I start getting better, you can come up and see me, but while I'm working through this, I can't have you arguing the whole time, which I know that you will,"

I watched her as she stood there for a moment. At one point in my life, I had thought she was the most intelligent, beautiful and strongest woman in the world, as most children think of their mothers. Then I grew up and began to see her flaws and pick her apart for them. She was smart, sure, but not more so than any other woman her age and I thought she was still pretty, though she was beginning to age and time wasn't going so easy on her. But what seemed to hurt me the most to realize was that she _wasn't_ very strong, as a matter of a fact; she was weak. I had watched her fall apart for weeks, months, after Ben died and I realized that she wasn't invincible, she wasn't immune to pain, she was a mother and she, more so than anyone else, was left vulnerable whenever there was a tragedy in our family. It's hard to accept when our heroes prove to be less than perfect, to show their flaws, because we as people, as humans, search for someone that we can look up to and count on, not matter what. Long ago, my mother and father had been replaced by Ben and when he died, Logan took his place. Though I loved my mother, my twenty-four year old mind knew that she was looking for rest, not a place on a soapbox, but she needed to know that even if someone else was taking care of me, I still _needed _her. We both needed me to still see her through the eyes of a five year old, but I couldn't. Needing her and admitting it would be like showing her my weakness, that's what I thought, anyway.

"You want us to just leave you alone then?"

"No, I want you to know that I'm an adult, one that you raised to make the decisions that I have, and will, and that whatever I do, I have to live with it,"

She nodded her head. "Okay,"

It was hard to watch her leave. Although I was telling myself that I was an adult, I wanted to be a child again, to run to her and have her comfort me. But what I wanted more than that was for it to work, for her to be able to make me forget it all. I needed her to be able to hold me and tell me that I was going to be okay, but she couldn't and I had to watch her walk away knowing that it was gone, the innocence we take for granite until we grow up and it's gone. I had been grown up for a while, but it hit me hard right then and I felt scared. My life seemed to be swirling out of control all around me, I needed something solid to hold onto and as I stood there crying, he walked through my door. Though my mother could no longer hold me and comfort me, Logan could.

* * *

The medicine that I was on had all sorts of side effects, one being that I would burst into tears at any given moment, making it awkward for those who were just wanting to finish their eggs and toast at the breakfast table. Others included being hungry all of the time, getting jittery and restless as well as dizziness and blurred vision. Two weeks after being let out of the hospital, school had let out and most of the students went home for the summer. However, I felt immensely embarrassed by the fact that everyone knew why I had been gone. I wanted nothing more than to have merely been known as the school's nurse and yet within those two weeks, every single one of the students knew that I was crazy.

"What are you lookin' for?" Logan asked, entering my room through my open door.

"I've lost one of my crosses, I can't find it and I need it before I go to the doctor today," I said, pulling the cushion from the chair beside my bed and looking under it before putting it back in place.

"Why do you need that one?"

"Well…technically, I don't, but it's gone and it's driving me crazy,"

"Where were you wearin' it last?"

"I don't even have a _clue_, there's so many of them that I can't keep up with them anymore,"

"How long's it been gone?"

"A couple or three days, I guess, maybe longer, I don't know. I thought I might have just misplaced it so I waited for a while, trying to see if I couldn't remember where it was, but I didn't, so now I have to look for it," I said, casting him a glance every now and then from over my shoulder as I continued my frantic search.

"Do you want me to help?"

"Uh, no," I said, standing in the center of my room with my hands on my hips, looking around at the mess I had just made. "I'm done, I've looked everywhere and it's not in here." I was nervously tapping my foot, all part of the restless movements as a side effect.

"Is the medicine not keepin' you from needin' them all of the time?" he asked, walking up behind me.

"No, the voices haven't stopped and so until they do, I need them,"

He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned back into his embrace. It was one of the only things that could make me unwind when I was feeling uptight with nerves and he knew it, so he would hold me whenever I needed to just stop and relax.

"It's gonna' start workin' soon," he whispered in my ear.

"I'm just so tired," I said.

"Do you wanna' wait and go out another night, then?"

"What, and miss out on our post doctoral visit attempt to clog my arteries with overly processed fast foot? Not for the world," I joked, turning around to face him.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm tired all of the time, I don't think one night would make much of a difference,"

He held my face with both of his hands, twinning his fingers in my hair. "You need some rest,"

"No, I need some caffeine and I would kill for a chocolate cake,"

"Kill Scooter and I'll get you one," he smirked.

"Funny," I said dryly. "Look, I promise that I'll rest when I get home tonight. I'm going to come up here, take a long bath, then get into bed and sleep through tomorrow afternoon,"

"Sounds like fun, I might join you," he said, a smirk still on his face.

"You are such a jerk," I laughed.

"I was bein' nice, I thought you might need some supervision,"

"Oh, how very thoughtful of you," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "But I think I'll be okay on my own."

"If you change your mind, I'll be willin' to help,"

"I'm sure you would. You are _such_ a man, is that _all_ you ever think about?"

"I get hungry some times,"

"Oh my word, you are _terrible_. Am I going to need a chaperone now when we're together or can you, at the very least, behave yourself?"

"I'll do my best to behave myself, can't make any promises though, darlin'," he said, leaning down and kissing me.

"Aw, look, their making out, how sweet!" Bobby said sarcastically as he passed by my open door.

"Bobby shut up and keep walkin'," Rogue said, carrying Joey right behind him. "Sorry guys,"

I laughed. "It's fine, don't worry about it," I said as the continued down the hall. He gave me a small kiss before I fell against his chest, letting out a small whine as I wrapped my arms around him. "I don't want to go to the doctor; I'm tired of seeing them and having to tell them what's going on, it's always the same things over and over,"

"I know, but they gotta' make sure everything's workin' right,"

I let out a sight. "Okay, I've got to get dressed,"

"All right, go on,"

I looked up at him. "You don't give up, do you?" I laughed.

"I thought I could try,"

"Well, I'm afraid that unless you have a ring in your pocket and want to spring for a wedding, that's not going to happen any time soon," I said with a wink.

"What kind of ring?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"I don't care, just so long as it doesn't come out of a quarter machine,"

"I guess I'll have to take back the one I got you, then,"

"You are something else," I said, shaking my head. "Now get out of my room, I have to put on real clothes instead of pajamas so that I can have the doctors assess my sanity,"

"I think you look sexy in your pajamas," he smirked.

I was wearing a pair of navy blue track pants with a gray wife beater.

"Well, you're supposed to, but the last thing I want is my doctors _hitting_ on me, that's more than just a little bit creepy,"

"Alright, you can come get me when you're ready and I'll take you,"

"Okay," I said, giving him a small kiss. "Thank you,"

"Don't worry about it darlin',"

"I love you,"

"You too," he said, giving me a small smile and a wink.

I found it odd that our relationship had been strained in the months between Thanksgiving and right before I was sent to the hospital, because he knew that I was keeping things from him. However, once I told him what I had been terrified for him, and everyone else, to know about me, it seemed to make things better. All he wanted was me to be open with him. I may have been crazy, but at least I was honest about it.


	7. Lady In The Water

Disclaimer: If you've read any of the chapters up until here, you should know by now that I own nothing. And honestly, I don't see why you would pick this chapter to read first...oh well. I'm missing dinner, enjoy the chapter!

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"Those visits are so _humiliating_; they act as if I'm completely incompetent. Even if I heard voices, that doesn't compromise my intelligence. I'm not some crazy stupid person; I'm just…crazy,"

We had just gotten though with my doctors visit and we were walking back to his motorcycle, which was parked inside the parking garage across the street. They had made me go through all sorts of tests until I wanted to scream.

"You know, for a nurse, you sure hate doctors," Logan said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"I didn't hate them until a year ago," I said, wrapping both of my arms around his stomach as I turned to him, hugging him. "And it's not like you have a fondness for them either,"

"Only redheads," he laughed.

"Yes, well, too bad she doesn't like _you_," I retorted.

"You're killin' my ego, darlin'," he said, giving me a kiss on top of my head.

"I seriously doubt that's possible for _anyone_ to do,"

"Only you, Layla,"

"I have _that_ much of a hold on you?" I asked as we got to the motorcycle in the hospital's garage.

"You ain't got a clue,"

"Why don't you help fill me in on it, then?" I asked, turning to him and placing my hands on my hips.

"Why don't you put your helmet on?"

I smiled. "You love me, you think I'm pretty, you want to merry me," I said in a singsong voice.

He shook his head. "Just put on your helmet,"

Ever since the cold weather had thawed, Logan had let me ride on his motorcycle with him and for my birthday, he had bought me my own helmet so that I didn't have to keep borrowing one from the school. He was upset when I put a Happy Bunny sticker on it; he said that it 'defeated the purpose'. I gladly reminded him that my only 'purpose' for riding on a motorcycle was because my boyfriend owned one, not to try to make myself look cool, or whatever.

I strapped on my helmet and slid onto the seat behind Logan. He handed me my sunglasses and I pulled them on, making sure they were secure before I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly. I buried my face into his back as we took off and I inhaled him deeply. I loved the smell of his cologne, actually, I loved the smell of men's cologne period, but his was the best. I felt his back muscles flex as he turned and I placed a kiss on his right shoulder. He let out a sound that didn't quite sound like a growl.

"Are you purring?" I asked.

"No," he said defensively. I laughed. "What's so funny?"

"I think it's sweet; I gave you a kiss and you started purring," I smiled, to which he replied with a growl, making me laugh once again.

Growing up, I was never one of those girls who thought that boys were gross and wanted nothing to do with them. My first crush had been when I was four years old. I was watching a rerun of the television show 'Happy Days' and when Fonzy came on, I fell in love. I always wanted a strong man, someone who could take care of me, to love me and I felt as though I could not grow up fast enough. Then once I did grow up, no one that I went out with held up to what I was looking for. I wasn't allowed to date until I was sixteen and at that point, I didn't want to date the boys at school, because I felt they were too young. Then there was college and I have to admit that nursing school didn't leave me many options. But the ones that I did date, all seemed to be selfish, uncaring, immature idiots. Why I was attracted to them to begin with, I don't know.

Then there was Logan, whom I immediately despised. He was arrogant, foul-mouthed and had a quick temper. I didn't like him but I couldn't ignore the fact that he was extremely gorgeous. On my first day back at the mansion since I had graduated, he began hitting on me. In a way, I was flattered, but that was overshadowed by the fact that I just simply didn't like him. He knew it, but that, however, didn't stop him from continuing his pursuit on me. I didn't understand why a man as attractive as he was, would find me, a twenty-three year old, who pretty much lived in scrubs, had a _bit_ of an attitude and had show no interest in him what-so-ever, someone worth chasing after. After a month of trying to convince me to like him and only managing to convince me he was even more arrogant than I had originally thought, he stalked me as I was leaving the library one night by myself. He blocked my way out and when I asked him to move, he said no. I was tired, it was nearly ten at night and the sheer fact that he was toying with me only agitated me all the more. I asked him once again to move and that's when he said he didn't think I really wanted him to. How incredibly cocky was that? I told him that what I wanted was for him to get out of my way, then he kissed me. That went on for a few minutes before I pushed him away and slapped him. We both stood there, catching our breath and staring at each other before I grabbed him by the points of his hair, pulled him back and continued what he had started. After that night, I debated for around a week over whether I still hated him or not. It was during that time that I realized who he really was rather that an arrogant jerk. Over the next few weeks, I realized _he_ was what I wanted. Perhaps the whole leather jacket, motorcycle, 'bad boy with a heart' thing had carried over from my first crush on the Fonz to my first love with Logan. He was what I wanted, and needed, emotionally. And physically, well…I wasn't going to complain about that anytime soon.

* * *

Logan and I went out to eat and then shot some pool. By the time we got home, it was half past eight that night. I wanted us to watch a movie together, but he reminded me that I had promised him that I would rest. I begrudgingly complied and went to my room for a bath. I decided to light some candles, turn off the lights and pull up my hair before getting into the bath. I closed my eyes, trying to unwind and relax. My own tiredness mixed with the smell of the lavender candles and the hot water made me realize just how sleepy I was. So much in fact that I soon found myself drifting to sleep.

* * *

I woke up coughing and sputtering water from my mouth.

"Are you okay?" I heard Dr. Grey ask as the door to my bathroom swung open, making me jump, as Logan came in, looking extremely angry.

He swore, his voice booming. "What's goin' on?" he asked. I sat up and noticed that I had on my bathrobe. I pulled it closer to me, wrapping it tighter and coughed. "I thought you weren't gonna' do this again? Were you just waitin' for me to leave you so you could?"

"No, I didn't do this on purpose!" I said, beginning to cry, scared because I didn't know what was going on.

"Then what happened?" he asked, still yelling.

"She fell asleep in the bathtub," Jean calmly explained.

I was coughing, crying and shivering all at the same time to the point my body felt as if it were being thrown into violent convulsions. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I repeated over and over through my loud sobs as I rocked back and forth.

"It's okay Layla, it's okay," Jean said, trying to comfort me as she pulled me closer to her and hugged me.

"I didn't mean to, though," I cried.

"I know, it's okay," she said to me, looking up at Logan. "It's okay."

Jean let me cry for about ten minutes before she suggested that I get dressed and go to sleep. I agreed that it was a good idea and they both left me to put on my pajamas in the bathroom, where I had had them laid out from earlier. When I walked back into my room, I expected it to be empty, but instead, found Logan sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I thought you were going back to your room?" I asked.

"I'm stayin' in here with you tonight,"

"You don't have to,"

"Yeah I do,"

"I'm fine on my own, I didn't do that on purpose so it's not like I'm going to try it again or anything,"

"Do you know what happened in there?" he asked, staring up at me from where he was sitting at the foot of my bed.

"Yeah, I fell asleep,"

"Why?"

"Because I was tired,"

"How much sleep do you get at night?"

"I don't know, a few hours. Why does that matter, though? It's not as if I'm not functioning or anything,"

"You fell asleep in the bathtub; if Jean hadn't known what was goin' on you would have died in there,"

"Thank you, but I realize that,"

Then do you realize how stupid that was?"

"I already have enough people telling me how stupid I am, I don't need you telling me that, too,"

"People? They're not people, they're _voices_!" he yelled.

"I don't care what they are, I heard them and I don't need anyone else adding to them!" I yelled back.

"You can get mat at me all you want, but I ain't leavin',"

"I don't care, do what you want," I said, walking up to the top of my bed, lifting back the covers and crawling in before turning off my lamp beside me.

"Look…I'm sorry, alright?" he apologized.

"Whatever," I said, turning so I couldn't see him.

I heard him let out a sigh and felt him move further up the bed. He rested a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off. "I'm sorry darlin', I didn't mean to yell,"

I turned my neck around to look at him. "I nearly just drowned, you tell me that I'm stupid because of it and expect 'I'm sorry darlin' to make it better? I'm not like you, Logan, I don't think of death so casually. When I get hurt, it doesn't fix itself right back up. I get that I nearly died in there, I _get_ that, I have to live with it. I am scared out of my _mind_ right now, about everything, so I would appreciate it if you could do me a favor and not get on my case right now."

"I know…I know, and I'm sorry, I'm not used to bein' scared,"

"Why are _you _scared?"

"I can't lose you,"

"Is that what you think I'm trying to do? You think I'm trying to punish you or something by attempting to kill myself?"

"No, that's not what I think,"

"Then by all means, please tell me what you were thinking that calling me stupid was going to accomplish? You say you're scared, that you don't want to lose me and yet some part of your brain rationalized that it would be okay to call me _stupid_. It's okay, she's crazy, it doesn't matter what you say to her, is that what you thought?"

"I didn't call _you_ stupid, I said what you _did_ was stupid and it was. I don't think you're crazy and I'm sorry that I said that to you, but I hear Jean runnin' down the hall, smellin' like fear and when I figure out she's goin' to your room, I come in here and see you blue and coughin' up water, so yeah, I was a little scared."

"And so was I," I yelled. "But you don't care; you just want to yell at me and not even consider how I feel. You're a selfish git and don't give a care about how anyone else feels except for you,"

"Well I'm sorry you think I'm selfish for bein' scared when you nearly died," he said sarcastically, his voice still loud with anger.

"And that's another thing; you totally turned around what I just said,"

"Why did you just say, then?"

"I said that you haven't once considered how I feel about this, you don't care that I'm scared, too,"

"You don't think I care?"

"No, I think that you assume that since I nearly killed myself on purpose the first time, that I was just happy it nearly happened for the second time," I said, shaking my head and turning onto my back so that I could look up at him without straining my neck. "That first night that I was in the hospital, you asked me two questions; if it hurt and did I regret it. You didn't ask me if I was scared,"

"Were you?"

"Not when I decided to do it but right after I did…yeah, I was scared," I said, crying. "I was absolutely terrified. I kept thinking about how much I was going to miss you and I didn't know if you or anyone else was going to miss me or not,"

"You didn't think I was gonna' miss you?" he asked.

"You were mad at me that night, they all kept telling me that you didn't care about me and when you hear something enough times, it starts to get in your head and you start believing it," I said, wiping at the tears on my cheeks and turning my head, not looking at him. I took a deep breath. "No, I didn't think you would miss me,"

He turned my face back towards him and lowered his down to mine; leaving only a couple or three inches open between us. He locked his eyes with mine and stared at me for a moment silently. "Are you listenin' to me, is everything quiet enough that you can hear me?" I nodded my head slowly. "I'm gonna' tell you right now that it doesn't matter what anyone tells you, if they're in your head or real, I don't care 'cause I'm tellin' you that when I got that call from Chuck at nearly two in the mornin' that they were takin' you to the hospital 'cause you had cut your wrist, I _was_ scared that I was gonna' lose you. When I got there and I saw you sleepin' in your room I…" he let out a deep breath and shook his head. "I wasn't mad at you the night I left, I was worried about you 'cause I didn't know what was goin' on with you. I'm not used to worrin' about people, so I didn't know what to do and I started yellin' at you. I'm sorry; I don't what to do to show you that I am,"

"_Why_ are you sorry, though?"

"You thought I was mad at you when you tried killin' yourself, if I hadn't yelled at you, maybe you wouldn't have had such a hard night and you wouldn't have done anything,"

"It wasn't that you yelled at me, you have a temper, I know that, everyone knows that, what hurt was that you thought I didn't trust you,"

"I know," he said, dropping his lips to my forehead. "I know and I'm sorry,"

"I'm sorry, too, I don't really think that you're selfish, I know you're not. I know you've given up and done a lot for me, especially since all of this has started. I'm so sorry," I cried. He lay down beside me and pulled me to him, holding me as I cried. "I love you, I'm sorry that I was mean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you,"

"I know you do darlin', I love you too, don't worry about anything, it's all right,"

"No, I'm sorry that I made you scared and worried and said you didn't care, I know you do,"

He continued to hold me as I buried my face into his chest and he soothingly stroked my hair. He whispered to me that it was okay, he knew I was sorry and that he loved me until I fell asleep. I woke up after only four hours and couldn't get back to sleep. Instead, I lay there and watched Logan. I traced my fingers over his lips, across his jaw line, down his arm and onto his hand, running the tips of them over the skin between his knuckles. I watched him sleep until the early summer sun rose, peeking through the parted curtains on my window. He stirred a bit before turning on his back and scratched his chest, letting out a sound that seemed half grunt, half growl before he opened his eyes.

"Morning," I smiled at him as he looked over at me.

"Mornin'," he said. "How long have you been awake?"

"I don't know, not long," I lied, biting my lip.

"What?" he asked.

"I've been thinking," I started.

"About what?"

"Us," I answered. "I think we need to talk about it."

"What's to talk about, we're doin' good ain't we?"

"Yeah, but there's just some things I want cleared up,"

"Is this about last night?"

"Kind of," I said, rolling over onto my stomach, propping myself up on my elbows and staring right at him.

"Do we really need to talk about it right now; can we not do it another time?"

"Well…no, we never talk about it so I think we need to,"

"Alright…what do you wanna' talk about?"

"What, exactly, do you want out of our relationship, where do you need us to go?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, moving his arms and placing his hands behind his head.

"What is your one goal for us, in our relationship, and what do you personally want from it?"

He thought for a second, all the while staring at me. It was not a usual Logan question and I'm sure he really didn't want to answer it, but he did. "All I want is for us to be together and for you to be happy,"

"But what do _you_ want out of it?"

"Makin' you happy is what I want," he said. "Your turn,"

I took a deep breath and then let it out. "I want for us to be able to yell and fight with each other but to always know that we'll fix it. I want you to know that right now, this medicine that I'm on makes me…emotional, to say the least, and I might say some things to you that I don't mean and I'm sorry for that right now, but all of the good things I say are and will be true. I want you to know that you're inside of me deeper than I ever thought anyone could ever been. I know that you know me better than anyone else and I'm quite the complication," I said with a small laugh as a tear slid down my cheek. "But that doesn't stop you; I think it actually makes you want to know me more. I want you to know that I'm thankful for the fact that you didn't give up on me, ever. When you were trying to get me to like you, when I wasn't telling you what was wrong with me, when I was in the hospital, going through all of the medical testing and last night, every time. I want you to know that I appreciate you; you mean everything to me. And I uh…I want you to know that if I get worse instead of better, I love you so much, no matter how bad I or how far gone I get, nothing will change that, I promise."

"Hey, hey," he said calmly, pulling me to him. "Nothing's gonna' happen to you, you're gonna' get better, all right? I'm gonna' take care of you, so don't worry about it. Is that what this was all about?"

"It wasn't supposed to be, I really meant it to be about us. I guess I just got carried away, though," I cried.

"It's alright," he said. "So what do you want out of it, personally?"

"This," I said. "Snuggling up with you and just talking…I don't even need the talking, I just like it when you hold me, it makes me feel good and I can rest when you're around. What I want is to always be able to do this, but perhaps on better conditions,"

"What do you know; me too," he joked, giving me a kiss on top of the head.

"So can I stay here forever then?"

"You can stay here for as long as you want darlin',"

* * *

Over the course of the next week, Logan stayed in my room with me, making sure that I didn't get up or leave without him. However, I would usually wake up after only a few hours and just watch him sleep. Even while every voice was sounding off in my head, I felt calm lying beside him, inhaling his scent and just being close to him. There was never a voice loud enough to make me leave him. I enjoyed it but like a lot of things that had been going on, I found myself embarrassed that the students who were still at the school, living there, knew that he was staying in there with me. I was embarrassed, but the Professor knew that and had made sure they wouldn't say anything to me about it. I, however, still felt as though every student and teacher there thought that more was happening between us than what really was.

After spending nearly a whole month together with barely any space, I told Logan he should go do something with the other guys before he went crazy. Then I went to the library to read. Reading helped me to take my mind from things. It's like when you read in a room with lots of people and although you can hear all of their voices, you can still manage to block it all out and focus on what's in front of you. That's what I was doing when Logan, who should have been out shooting pool, watching sports or basically doing anything else, came walking into the library. He snuck up behind me and laid the cross necklace that I had lost, on the table in front of me.

"Here, I found this in my room," he said.

I turned to look up at him and smiled. "Thank you, I've been going crazy looking for it," I said, picking it up and slipping it over my head, around my neck.

He pulled out the chair beside mine. "Listen, Jean knows a really good doctor in New York City that wants to help you," he said, sitting down beside me.

"I'm sick of doctors Logan, they can't do anymore for me than what's already been done, all they'll want to do is put me on more medication. I just want to go on with how things are now, I feel good on most days and I don't want anymore medicine because if it starts interfering with what I'm taking right now, it's just going to take longer to figure out the proper dosages for me again. I know you mean well, but this is it; I'm not going to get any better than what I am, so you have to decide whether you want this or not," I said and every voice in my head screamed at me. They said that I was stupid, ugly and not worth wasting my own breath on, so why would he choose me? They were all loud and yelling different things at once, so while he spoke I had to concentrate extremely hard on what he was saying, paying close attention to his mouth so that I could make out the words. As I waited to hear what his answer was going to be, I couldn't help but think of how much easier it had been eight months before when neither of us knew just _how _sick I was. But we both knew how sick I was, how hard it was for both of us to be that way and that it was never going to get any easier, no matter how hard we worked at it or got used to it.

"I thought I told you that no matter what happens, I ain't leavin'?" he asked, leaning in close to me.

"You did,"

"And you said you wanted to get better, right?"

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Well here's your chance, then. Do this; go see this doctor. Jean thinks he can help you,"

"But what if he can't?"

"You're not gettin' any better right now, so what's it gonna' hurt?"

"It's going to hurt because if I decide to go, then I might get my hopes up and if it doesn't work, that would be depressing. I'm already too emotional and depressed with everything as it is to have anything else added to it. I just want to go on with how I am,"

"And how is that? How are you goin' right now, Layla?" he asked, staring right into my eyes.

"I don't know, I'm doing pretty good,"

"Are you? You're watchin' my mouth awfully hard, how loud are they right now? What're they sayin' to you? Are they tellin' you that I don't care, that I'm only doin' this so you can get better and I can leave you, is that what they're sayin'?"

I didn't want to cry, I had cried too much already, but I couldn't help it, the tears flooded my eyes and spilled out onto my cheeks. "Yes," I nodded. "That's what they're saying,"

"You're obsessive, paranoid, you can't concentrate on anything, you don't get enough sleep, you're depressed and all that the medicine you're on right now is doin' is makin' you cry all the time. It's not workin',"

I slammed closed the book that was in front of me, the one that I had been reading only a few minutes before. "I'm sorry, is this the part where you name what annoys you about me? If it bothers you so badly than why don't we just get it over with, because this is how I am," I said. "Or is that what you meant by it's not working?"

He swore. "I'm not endin' this, that's not what's goin' on, what I'm sayin' is that you need some more help, you can't do this on your own,"

"I didn't think I was, I thought you said that we could get through this together…I guess I was wrong," I said and stood to leave, but he grabbed my arm.

"You know that's not how I meant that," he said.

"Actually, no, I don't know that,"

"This is stupid; don't get mad at me 'cause of this,"

"I guess you'll have to add stupid to your list of my problems," I said sarcastically. "Let go of my Logan, I don't want to be here right now,"

He let go of my arm but stood up and followed right behind me as I walked from the library. "Where are you gonna' go then?"

"I don't know, I just have to get out of here,"

"You can't drive,"

I stopped and turned around towards him. "I am perfectly capable of driving, thank you, I just chose not to," I snapped. "But I guess since you apparently think that I'm an obsessive, incompetent idiot, you just assumed that I couldn't,"

"You don't _need_ to drive, not while you're mad. Just stay here,"

"I can't, I need out,"

"Just stay here and we can talk about it, alright?" he asked with a mix of desperation and anger.

"I don't feel like staying here, I don't feel like talking and right now, I don't feel like loving you, so I have to leave,"

I did leave, I got into my car and left. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know where to do, I didn't even know how to think. I drove around for about three hours and then it started getting dark. I was tired and didn't feel like driving any longer, but I didn't want to go home either, so I pulled over to a small motel off the side of a little back road. I got a room and went straight to it, but when I shut the door, I began to hear things, voices, just outside of it. Though I had never heard them before, I somehow knew what they were and locked the door as quickly as I could, then ran to my bed, trying hard not to make a sound. It didn't do any good, they knew that I was in there and so they pulled on my door, trying to open it. I could hear the demons as they shook my door, pulling on it until the chain rattled. I curled up on the bed and cried, knowing that soon they would be able to get in. They continued to call at me through the door to let them in, all the while still trying to get into my room. They shook the door until the bolts holding it on its hinges began to pull from the wall. I cried because I was scared, because I felt stupid for leaving the school by myself. I should have known that something bad would happen as soon as I was all alone. I didn't know what they would do to me, but I was terrified.

I grabbed one of the crosses around my neck. "Please God make them go away, please, please make them leave," I prayed, rocking back and forth. I repeated the prayer over and over as I cried, my sobs so violent that my lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen being fed to them, my throat became sore and my hand began to bleed from squeezing my cross so tightly.

I watched the door as it shook forcefully and then there it was; the cracking sound of the door. After nearly twenty minutes, they had finally broken through. I watched, waiting for them to come through the door, but instead, there was a flash of bright light and I heard the demons scream and run away. A man whom was shadowed in an amazing light, walked into my room and I knew he was an angel. He walked to me and held me, his touch feeling as though it could heal me. My sobbing stopped immediately; I knew that I was safe with him. He continued to hold me as he sang to me in a language I didn't understand, but it was comforting. Soon my breathing calmed, my eyes closed and I found myself falling to sleep in his arms. I didn't know who he was, I didn't care; he had saved me and he was the answer to my prayers.

* * *

I woke feeling disoriented. I wasn't in my room, I wasn't in Logan's room, I wasn't even in the school. I sat up and looked at the clock that was on the table beside the bed. It was almost one in the morning. Where was I? I looked around the room until I saw my purse on the floor beside the door, looking as if I had thrown it there in a hurry, though I wasn't sure why.

I stood from the bed and walked to it, trying to remember what had happened. After a bit of searching, I found my cell phone and dialed the number to Logan's. I remembered our argument vaguely and wondered if maybe he would even answer or if I had said too much to him. There were a few rings before he picked up.

"Yeah," he said, sounding half-asleep.

"Hey Logan," I said, not sure what to say.

"Layla, where are you?" he asked, sounding more awake.

"I don't know, I don't remember, it's some motel some where," I answered dumbly.

"Are you alright, is everything okay?"

"No, I don't…I don't know where I'm at, I don't know why I'm here and I'm having these vague memories of demons and angels or something, I don't know what's going on," I cried.

"Don't worry, I'm comin' to get you, but are you okay, you're not hurt or anything, are you?"

"The palm of my hand's cut, I don't know why though. How are you going to come get me, _I _don't even know where I'm at?"

"No, but Chuck does,"

"It's nearly one in the morning; you can't wake him up just to find me,"

"Yeah I can, and I'm goin' to, so don't worry, I'm gonna' come get you,"

"Okay," I said, letting out a shaky breath. "I'll wait on you,"

"Alright, I'll get there as soon as I can darlin',"

And he did. I waited only twenty minutes before he and Dr. Grey were there. By that time, I had remembered exactly what had happened and why I was there, but Logan wanted Jean to go ahead and read my mind to make sure it was really what had happened.

"I had no idea that all of this was so realistic for you," she said, once she was though.

"It's fine," I lied.

"Can that doctor help her, Jean?" Logan asked as he stood in front of me with his arms across his chest.

"I think he can, and he seems to think so, he's extremely optimistic about it,"

"Then she's goin'," he said and I looked up at him from where I was sitting on the bed. "I don't care if you want to or not Layla, you're goin'. I'll pick you up and carry you into his office if I've got to, but you're gonna' go see him, 'cause this is getting' outta' hand,"

I nodded my head. "Okay," I agreed. "I just want to go home."

"All right, come on, I'll take you,"

Logan drove me home in his car and Jean drove mine. We were fairly quiet on the drive, speaking only about the temperature in the car and him asking me if I was comfortable.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier tonight," I apologized as we pulled into the school's garage.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"I said that I didn't feel like loving you today, I didn't _really_ mean it,"

"You did at the time,"

"It took me twenty minutes to remember where I was; I thought there were demons outside of my door and that an angel made them leave. I didn't _know_ what I was saying for me to mean it," I said. "And I'm sorry for all of the other stuff I said, too. I know that you were just trying to help me, that you want me to get help and I apologize for all of this,"

"I know this ain't easy for you, you're the one who's goin' through it all, but it ain't easy for me either,"

"I know that you're getting the back end of this deal and I'm sorry,"

"I don't care if you yell at me, I couldn't care less about what you scream at me durin' a fight, 'cause I know that me and you both say things we don't mean when we get mad, that's not what I'm talkin' about. This ain't easy on me 'cause I have to watch you go through it, I have to watch you hurt over something I can't stop. I wanna' protect you and I don't know how,"

"You did protect me Logan,"

"You were just in some dive motel talkin' to demons; how did _I_ protect you?"

"I think you were that angel tonight," I said, looking at him with tears in my eyes. "I think without you, he never would have come,"

"I ain't an angel,"

"You are to me,"

He pulled me to him from across the car and held onto me rightly. "I love you baby and I'm always gonna' come get you, not matter where you're at,"

"I love you too," I said, pressing my ear to his chest, listening to his heart. "Can you hear that?"

"Hear what?" he asked, assuming that I was hearing another voice.

"I can hear my life in your heartbeat," I murmured.

"You ought to; you're what keeps it beatin',"


	8. Finding The Way

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, dagnabit.

Sidenote: I'm not a doctor of any sort, so if some of this isn't really true, just go with it, it is _fiction_ after all. Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Dr. Grey called and set up an appointment for me with Dr. Shabo two days later. I wanted Logan in there with me, but he couldn't be. He just gave me a kiss before I went in.

I sat in a room that looked as if it had been decorated to try to give off a comfortable, casual feel, forcibly so. It looked like a study, with leather chairs and a wall covered with a floor to ceiling bookshelf filled with books. There was an oak desk a few feet away from where I was sitting in one of the leather chairs, but still I knew that it was a doctor's office, an unconventional one, but still, it belonged to a doctor.

I didn't sit very long before Dr. Shabo, clad in slacks, a polo shirt and cardigan sweater, came into the room.

"Good morning Miss Jameson, I'm Dr. Shabo," he said.

"Good morning," I replied with a forced smile.

"Nervous?" he asked, sitting down in the chair opposite of mine.

"Yeah, a little bit,"

"Want to tell me why?"

"I just really need this to work; I need you to help me,"

"I'll tell you what, I'll do the best I can," he said with a kind smile. "Dr. Grey has filled me in on pretty much the whole of your situation, but I would just like to go over it with you to make sure I have it all correct, is that okay?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah, okay,"

"I understand that you are a mutant," he said and I sucked in a sharp breath; I didn't know that Jean had told him _everything_. "It's okay; you're in good company here,"

I let out the breath I had just taken in and tried to relax a little more. "Yes, I'm a mutant,"

"How does that fare with your family?"

"It doesn't, not really, they all know but it's not something they're exactly proud of,"

"Have you always been honest with them about it?"

"Well, with my immediate family I was, but I went back for Thanksgiving last year and ended up telling other members of my family as well. They were…far from understand, to say the least,"

"Which was after you started hearing voices, correct?"

"Yes, that's correct, but they've gotten considerably worse since then,"

"Which has been a little over six months?"

"Yeah,"

"That's quite a fast development for Schizophrenia,"

"Is it?"

"Yes, it usually takes years to advance as far as Dr. Grey has told me yours has,"

"Do you think that my mutation might have something to do with it going as fast as it has?"

"I'm not entirely convinced that what you have is Schizophrenia, actually,"

"Really, what do you think it is, then?"

"I'd rather not say until I've asked you a few more questions,"

I nodded my head. "Okay,"

"Now, I've been told that you are currently in a relationship with a man whose estimated age is considerably older than yours, is that also true?"

"Uh…yeah, what does that have to do with anything, though?"

"I was just wondering if perhaps there was a specific reason as to why you were attracted to someone so much older than you,"

"Well, as you said; only his _estimated_ age is that much older than mine, he doesn't _look_ that old. I think he's an attractive, nice, strong guy and I don't think there's any other reason for me to be attracted to him,"

"How was your relationship with your father growing up?"

"Are you insinuating that I had a bad relationship with my father and so because of that I'm dating an older man to compensate for the attention I didn't get as a child?"

"It's not uncommon for that to happen, if that is, in fact, the situation,"

"Well, I mean, yeah…I didn't have a great relationship with my father, he worked a lot and went away on business trips all the time, then when I was fourteen I moved to Westchester County and I guess we were never really as close and he and my older sister were growing up. I wanted him to love me like he did her, but I guess my being a mutant scared him maybe, or something, I don't know,"

"And the man that you're dating, he's a mutant too?"

"Yeah,"

"Do you think that maybe you were attracted to him because he was an older man, a father figure type, who was accepting of your mutation?"

"Logan's not really what I would call a 'father figure' per say, not to me anyway,"

"Why not?"

"Because he swears, drinks whiskey, smokes cigars and is the only man I have ever met who is somehow both arrogant and unconfident in himself all at the same time,"

"They why are you going out with him?"

"Well, because he's a good guy, he's nice to me, he takes care of me, he makes me feel good about myself. Everyone that I've ever dated before not only didn't know about my mutation, but none of them agreed with my occupation as an RN, he's not only okay with both, but he's so supportive of them. He's funny, sometimes he doesn't mean to be, but he lets me laugh at him anyway. He's done a lot over his lifetime, I've learned from him, and I do everyday still. He taught me to be myself and how to be comfortable with being me. There's not a lot of people that I like and feel comfortable around and he's one of them,"

"So he's your caregiver, your teacher and someone who you believe to love you unconditionally, is that not what a father or a father figure does?"

"Well, uh…I've honestly never thought of it like that before," I said, shifting in my seat uncomfortably. Logan as my father was _not_ a thought that I wanted in my head. "All do respect Dr. Shabo, as insightful as this all is, what does it have to do with my illness?"

"Dr. Grey told me that your older brother passed away recently," he said, skimming over my question.

"It's been over a year, but yeah, he died,"

"She also said that you were there when he passed, is that correct?"

I shifted more in my seat. Talking about Ben's death was one thing, talking about it with a man whom I had only just met was another.

"Yeah, that's right, I was,"

"Were you close to him?"

I let out a long breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding in. "Uh, yeah, we were. There was only a little over a year between us so we pretty much grew up right with each other. We planned out what were going to do when we grew up, we were going to travel all over the world together and do something different with out lives. He was the only one in my family who didn't make me feel as if I were an outcast; he actually made me feel like I was normal. I think at times he actually thought it was kind of cool,"

"So while growing up, he took over the role that your father couldn't play in your life because of work, right?"

I thought for a moment. "Well, I guess so,"

"And so when he passed, your boyfriend took over that role your brother could no longer play in your life for you, correct?"

"I guess," I said. "But again, what does all of this have to do with me being sick?"

"Do you ever have nightmares about your brother dying?"

I was beginning to get agitated by him ignoring my questions and continuing with his own. I let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I do,"

"Do you have them often?"

"If I slept long enough, then I would probably have them every night, I guess,"

"How much sleep do you usually get at night?"

"About three or four hours, probably, maybe five on a good night,"

"Do you ever have the nightmares when you do only get the three or four hours of sleep at night?"

"Well, since I was in the hospital, my boyfriend rarely leave me alone and over the past week or so he's spent every night in my room with me to make sure that I don't do anything to myself…while he's there with me, I don't have them. However, when he's not there, then yeah, I do have them occasionally,"

"Do they affect your sleep pattern?"

"Yeah, I learned to wake up before they happen so that I don't have to watch it,"

"Is there a certain time that you wake up to keep them from happening?"

"Right around one in the morning, just before, usually,"

"Do you take naps during the day to keep yourself going?"

"No, I just drink a lot of coffee to keep me awake,"

"And how is that working for you?"

"The caffeine's starting to destroy my nervous system, so not too well," I said with a small smile and a sigh. "I'm sorry sir, but I don't understand what dating my boyfriend, not having a good relationship with my father, my brother dying and my sleeping habits have to do with anything pertaining to my sickness, so could you please explain to me why I'm having to answer all of these questions?"

"When you're brother died, you not only lost a brother and a friend, but you also lost your father figure. Since you were there with him when he died, it created a great sense of guilt depression and loneliness for you. You then moved here to New York after only five months and began dating your now boyfriend, who filled the role that your brother left open in the wake of his death. Did you go to his funeral?"

"What?" I asked confused. He was in the middle of rehashing what we had just talked about and then he stopped to ask me a seemingly random question.

"Did you attend your brother's funeral?"

"No, I didn't go to his funeral, why does that matter?"

"Whenever someone witness a death, if you're not prepared for it, it can scar that person. Now you not only witnessed a death, but one of that of your family, the person you were closest to. I believe that by not going to his funeral, you haven't fully dealt with his death and that that combined with your being there when it happened has created what we call Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It's not unlike Schizophrenia, but it's brought on by a stressful, traumatic event and exhaustion. Do you remember what time it was when your brother died?"

"Well, when he stopped breathing I looked up at the clock and it said twenty till one, he died about five or seven minutes later, so about fifteen minutes away from one in the morning,"

"Which is around the same time you wake up every morning," he said. "Although most people who are diagnosed with this have to spend time in a hospital dedicated to mental illnesses in order to get better, Dr. Grey has informed me that you are well taken care of and looked after there at the school. I don't believe that you are so bad yet that you need to be admitted to a hospital. I think that with an anti-depression medication and perhaps a sleeping aid, you can get through this by the end of the year, or even sooner. I do encourage you though to perhaps seek out consoling by a professional or even with someone that you feel comfortable speaking candidly and to do whatever is takes for you to deal with your brother's death."

I sat there just short of being stunned, so many questions were running through my mind, but only one would form in my mouth. "I can get over this?" I asked.

"I believe so,"

Tears slid down my cheeks. "Thank you," I said.

"It's not problem, I'm just glad that I could help,"

We spoke for a few minutes longer before he wrote me two prescriptions; one for an anti-depressant and another for a sleep aid, and then we were through.

I met Logan back out in the lobby and when we got to the car, I proceeded to shriek with happiness before telling him the news. I don't know what he actually thought about the whole matter, because instead of talking, he pulled me to him and kissed me.

"I'm going to get better," I breathed against his lips. "You're going to get me back,"

He brushed his lips against mine. "I never lost you darlin', I kept you right here with me so I wouldn't,"

"Well thank you for keeping hold of me, I would have been far too gone without you,"

"You would've found your way back to me,"

"I can't wait to actually hear your voice again, where it's not loud, no one else, just you,"

He brushed the hair away from my face and pressed his mouth to my ear. "I love you baby, you're mine and I'm never gonna' let anyone take you away from me, do you hear me? You're _mine_,"

The words didn't sound possessive and cocky, instead, they sounded comforting and loving. Logan wasn't exactly elegant with words, he didn't always know how or feel comfortable with expressing himself and when he did, in his own way, it meant a lot. For once, in over a year, there was a break, there was a small light, there was hope and knowing that Logan was there with me to share in my joy, meant so much to me. But knowing that he had stuck it out through all of the bad, through all of my terrible mood swings and through all of my crazy thoughts, _that_ meant the world to me. We had gone through so much and yet he still wanted me.

"You can always have me, I'm always yours," I whispered, tears brimming my eyes. "Always."

* * *

Although my medication was meant to help me, they, like my other, had side effects. The sleeping aid worked fantastic; I would take one and be out like a light. However, that was also a problem as I began to sleep well into the afternoon, missing breakfast and often lunch. The anti-depression medication, although it had begun to help some after a month of taking, its side effects were much worse than any of the other medicine I had taken. I was told that thoughts of suicide or even wanting to kill others would be normal. Now, it could just be me, but aren't those thoughts just slightly on the depressing side? Because of the side effects, Logan had taken up permanent residence in my room. I had offered to move into his, but he had insisted that I would be more comfortable in my own and that he had 'less crap to move' than I did. And really, how can you argue with _that_?

It soon began to feel as if we were married; we shared a bed, a bathroom and suddenly I didn't care if he saw me drooling and heard me snoring while I slept, saw my hair when it was all jacked up when I would wake or even that my pajamas were usually made up of track pants and too large T-shirt that had various holes and pant splatters on them. He didn't care, so neither did I, and I'm telling you; if a man can watch me drool while I'm asleep, and still want to kiss me when I wake up, _that's_ love.

"You almost done in there darlin', I gotta' shave," Logan called to me through the bathroom door.

"Yeah, sorry," I apologized, opening the door for him. "I just have to fix my hair, can you shave while I'm doing that?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," he said, staring at me. I was wearing a pair of black track pants with the school's logo on them and a gray wife beater. I had just taken off the towel that I had wrapped around my hair and shook my hair, letting my hair fall to its natural part. He laughed.

"What?" I asked, looking at him through my curtain of wet hair. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and laughed, thinking that I looked like Cousin It from 'The Addams Family'.

"Just wonderin' if all women get ready like you?"

I ran my fingers through my hair, detangling it and grabbing the bottle of mousse from my bathroom counter. "No, you picked a special one when you picked me," I said with a wink, scrunching the mousse into my hair. He went silent as he prepared his face to shave. "What're you thinking about?"

"The voices in your head, do you still hear 'em?"

I let out a sigh, putting more mousse in my hair. "Yeah…there's not as many of them now, but I do still here them,"

"Are they still loud?"

"A few of them are pretty loud, but for the most part; they've stopped yelling and just talk now,"

"Good," he said as he picked up his razor and began to shave.

I washed my hands then sat myself up on the bathroom counter top and watched him while he shaved, one of my favorite things to do. He was quiet again, but not his usual Logan quiet, it was the type of silence where I knew he was thinking and mulling over something.

"What are you thinking about now?" I asked.

"Is your medicine workin' for you?"

"Yeah, like I just said, there aren't as many voices and they're not as loud anymore, so it's definitely working some, I just don't know how long it's going to take for me to fully get better,"

"I know but they said you might…think about things," he said as he wiped the excess shaving cream from his face with a towel, done with his shaving.

"You mean about hurting myself or other people?"

"Yeah," he said, turning towards me.

"Well," I said, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him in front of me. I let my hands rest on his chest. "To be honest with you, I think that ever since I tried it once and nearly drowned in here in the bathroom, suicide hasn't been far from my mind, the thought's always there and haunting me. However, and this is the important part, I do _not_ see myself ever again attempting to hurt myself in any way, I have no need to and hope that no matter what goes on inside my head, that I will always see that. I have my life to look forward to, all of my friends and family here, I'll be getting my job back soon and then…there's you. I love you and I know that you love me and just thinking about you, never mind actually being with you, is enough to keep me here. I want to stay with you, you mean everything to me and there is nothing in the world that would be as bad as not getting to be with you. And as far as wanting to hurt other people, that thought is completely foreign and I cannot see myself ever…I don't know, thinking that about anyone. I mean, I know Bobby can get on my nerves at times but killing him or hurting him is…crazy,"

He nodded his head. "Good,"

"Why, you're not afraid that I'll set you on fire while you're asleep, or anything, are you?"

He held my face in his hands. "No, I don't think you're gonna' do anything like that to me, I just want you to be okay," he said, leaning in and placing his forehead against mine. "Besides, you can't hurt me like that darlin', I recover fast,"

"I don't like that thought in my head though,"

"I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault; I'm the one who said it,"

"But I brought it up,"

"You were concerned, that doesn't merit an apology," I said and he let out an unsure growl, making me smile. "I will accept a kiss, though,"

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Really?"

"Oh yeah, kisses make the best payments," I smiled.

"Well, if that's really what you want, I guess-" he said, stopping mid-sentence.

"What is it?" I asked.

He strained to hear and sniffed the air. "Your father's here,"

"What?" I asked confused as Logan moved and allowed me to hop down from the counter. "Where is he?"

"Comin' down the hall with Scooter,"

"Why?"

"I don't know,"

I walked to my door, opened it and looked down the hall. Sure enough, there was Scott and my father.

"Well Layla, your new room's a lot further away than your old one used to be," he said to me with a small smile.

"Uh, yeah, this is the staff hall," I said as Logan come from my room and propped his forearm against the doorframe. "Daddy, what are you doing here?"

"I thought we might be able to talk?"

"Uh…" I said, looking over my shoulder at Logan.

"It's up to you," he said. "We can go out tomorrow or later tonight,"

I bit my bottom lip and let out a sigh. "Okay, let's go to the kitchen and talk,"

Together we walked downstairs to the kitchen. Rogue was there getting a bottle for Joey.

"Hey," she smiled at us as we walked in.

"Hey, Rogue this is my daddy, daddy, this is my friend Marie and that adorable baby is her little girl Joey,"

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," my father said.

"You too, sorry I can't stay but we both need naps," she said, walking to the doorway off the side of the kitchen. "Bye,"

"All right, bye," I told her as she left. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine,"

"Okay…do you want to sit, then?"

"Yeah," he said, pulling out a stool and sitting at the island in the middle of the room.

There was silence; my father and I were never too good at holding a conversation with one another, we were just too different.

"Where's momma?" I asked, sitting down across from him.

"She's at home, your sister's coming home for the fourth and she's getting ready to have a big cookout. She's got enough food to feed the whole neighborhood, and I don't even think more than ten people will be there,"

I laughed. "She's always prepared, you've got to give her that much at least,"

"Yeah…why don't you come home with me, you haven't spent the fourth of July at home since-"

"Last year," I said, cutting him off. "Everyone came, Uncle Rodney knocked Goldie in the head with a Frisbee and momma spent most of the day after that inside, crying,"

"It'll be better this year, I promise,"

"If Thanksgiving was any indication as to how holidays are going to be, I'd rather stay here and hang out,"

Storm and Jean then walked into the room, both carrying large watermelons and Jean levitating two more in front of her.

"Hey Layla, is there anyway that you could talk Logan into cutting these? I think he could do it much faster than either of the two of us," Storm asked, sitting her watermelon on one of the counter tops.

"I'll ask him, but he got mad last year when I tried to get him to carve a pumpkin with his claws, he said they weren't meant to be used as kitchen knives,"

"Kindly remind him of the fact that he doesn't actually remember what they're for," Jean said.

"Yeah, I have a feeling that I'm not going to be able to convince him that he was made to be a slice-n-dice kitchen utensil, but I'll see if I can't get him to at least cut them up for ya'll,"

"I think you could convince the man that he has wings and could fly away, if you wanted," Jean said and I smiled.

"Well, if ya'll think I have that much power over him, I'm going to see if I can't try to get him to actually start picking up after himself. I love the man, but he's a slob and our room is starting to look like an animal's been let loose in it,"

"An animal _has_ been let loose in it; Logan,"

I let out a small laugh. "That's very true,"

"Well, we'll let the two of you talk," Jean said as she and Storm turned to leave.

"Okay, I'll talk to ya'll later,"

"So, the two of you are sharing a room now?" my father asked once the two of them had left.

"Uh, yeah, ever since I fell asleep in the bathtub he's been just short of obsessed about not leaving me by myself,"

"Are the two of you…serious?"

"Well…yeah,"

"How serious?"

I smiled. "Not the way you're probably thinking, I'm sure, but ever since this whole sick thing has come out in the open, it's brought us closer and over the past couple of months, I guess we have gotten pretty serious,"

"Is he good to you?"

"Do you actually think I would be with someone who wasn't?"

"No, but I never thought you'd ever hurt yourself, either,"

"Yeah, well, that was something I didn't really want to do, I was just looking for a quick solution to my problems and doing what I was told. I won't put up with guys who treat me badly; I have too much self respect to do that,"

"You still didn't answer the question,"

"Yes daddy, Logan's good to me. He takes care of me and he helps me,"

"Helps you to what?"

"To heal, to be myself, to get through this whole ordeal, he's been there for me like no one else has and I love him,"

"I never realized how hard that would be to hear my baby say," he said with a small laugh and shook his head. "Are you happy?"

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, I know I am but I don't know how much of it's real; those anti-depressants are _fantastic_," I joked.

"I'm happy for you then, I just wish I could've contributed to that some. I know growing up must've been harder on you than the other two and I'm sorry about that,"

"How was growing up any harder for me?"

"You were the youngest, your momma was tired when you came along, and I had to work more when you were younger than the other two. You were always different than them, even from the time you were born. You would just sit and play by yourself, not needing anyone else to entertain you. When you told us that you were a mutant, I was scared. Not because of you but I knew that your life would be so much harder because of it, but I have to tell you sweetheart; you have made me so proud. You have really grown and taken charge of your life, even though it's been difficult over this past year. You're a nurse, a fantastic one, and even though you've had to deal with all of this medical stuff, you're coming through it. You're a lot braver than I could ever be and I have to admit Layla, I look up to you. I couldn't do this. Losing Ben was the worst thing that's ever happened in my life and I know you felt that too. Your sister envied the relationship that you had, we all knew that you depended on each other, and I'm sorry that we didn't understand that. I feel responsible for you being in the state that you are, if I had been around more, had interacted with you more, than I think that you wouldn't be hurting half as badly as you are. I miss your brother, my son, and it took me a long time to realize that even though I lost him, I still have two daughters. I want to apologize to you for not taking the time for you that I should have, for making you feel like you didn't mean as much to me as your brother and sister; I love you all so much and all the same. I know now that how I reacted to you telling us that you were a mutant was wrong. I didn't know anything about it, none of us did because no one ever spoke to us about it. You've not let any of that define you, and I'm just so completely and utterly proud of you for everything, your momma and I both are,"

"Thank you," I said. "That's all I've ever wanted; to make you proud,"

"You've done a pretty good job of it," he said, smiling at me. "Now can I get a hug or are you too old for that?"

"No, you can have one," I said, standing from my stool, walking to him and wrapping my arms around him. He held me to him, hugging me for a moment or two before I began to cry. "He's really gone isn't he? Ben's not coming back,"

"No, he's not," he said.

"I miss him so much, I just keep waiting for it to all be wrong, but it's not, is it?"

"I know it's hard sweetheart, but you're still alive, so am I, you have you mother and your friends here, we can get through this together,"

"Do you promise, daddy?"

"Yeah, I promise you Layla, I'll help you though it,"

"Okay,"

I thought I _had_ dealt with Ben's death. I could say he was dead and knew it was true, but there was a part of me that had verbally dealt with it, just not emotionally. Emotionally, I was too far behind, had blocked it all out until I had barely realized what had happened. I had right then and the weight of the realization seemed to crush my lungs, making it hard to breath, but I did. I kept breathing because it was the only thing I knew how to do right then.

* * *

"Is your father leavin'?" Logan asked me as I walked into our room.

"Yeah, he just came up to check on me,"

"You alright?" he asked as I sat down on the bed beside him. Some poker show was on TV and he was watched it.

I curled up next to him. "Yeah, I'm okay," I said as he wrapped his arm around me. "Are we still going out tonight?"

"If you want," he said, trailing his fingers up and down my arm.

"Yeah, I need to get out of here, just for a little bit at least. I'm going to go crazy in here if I don't get a small break," I said and then laughed. "Wait, I _am_ crazy, that's why I've been stuck inside for so long,"

He laughed and shook his head. "Where do you wanna' go?"

"Let's go shoot pool or something, I don't care, I just want to be with you and out of the house,"

"All right," he said and we both watched the TV for a few minutes. Poker was lost on me; I didn't understand hardly any of it. It's all a game of luck rather than skill and I prefer fames where you have to think. Had I not been watching it with Logan, I would have been bored out of my mind.

"Oh, Storm and Jean wanted to know if you could cut the watermelons for the cookout tomorrow, since you can probably do it faster than them."

He growled. "I ain't a butcher knife,"

"I know, but could you please do it? I'll love you for ever and ever if you do," I said, nuzzling my nose against his neck.

"Just for cuttin' watermelons?" he asked and I could tell he was smirking.

"I'm a simple little southern girl, I only need a man to do some heavy lifting and I'm happy," I laughed.

"If that makes you happy darlin', I can do if for you,"

"Thank you," I said and he sighed as I placed a kiss on his collarbone. "I love you,"

"You too,"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah,"

"Do you ever think of me as like…your daughter?"

"Excuse me?"

I looked up at him. "Dr. Shabo said that I was attracted to you because essentially you were like a father figure to me, I thought he was crazy, but once he broke it down for me, it sort of…made sense. I mean, not in a creepy way or anything, but I got what he was saying and was wondering if maybe you, also in a non-creepy way, thought of me perhaps as slightly daughterly?"

He looked down at me and blinked. "No." I laughed. "I'm glad you find this so funny, 'cause I don't see the humor in it,"

"It was just a question Logan, don't get upset by it," I smiled and gave him a small kiss. "I love you,"

"You don't wanna' add 'daddy' to the end of that?" he remarked sarcastically.

I laughed and sat up on the bed before standing. "You're a funny little man, you know that?" I said. "I've got to get ready so we can go out,"

"What's wrong with how you are?"

"I'm in like, pajamas. Besides, wouldn't you like me to put on a little Catholic school girl uniform?" I joked.

He looked me over and smirked. "It's better than a nun," he retorted.

My mouth dropped. "Scott told you about that? I'm going to _kill_ him!"

He moved his arms and propped his head up on them. "Wouldn't mind if you did,"

"Hardy-har-har," I said dryly, walking into the bathroom. "Mr. Jokey-Joke-Maker,"

"What?"

I popped my head out from the bathroom. "It's from 'Dodgeball'; tell me you've seen that movie,"

"Uh, no,"

"Dude, you've got to watch it. People get hit by cars, wrenches, balls, it's hilarious!"

"Did you just call me 'dude'?"

I smiled at him sheepishly. "Yes," He just shook his head at me and smiled. "You know, you think I'm cool, don't deny it,"

"I'm not goin' to,"

"Well, don't agree with me just to be condescending,"

"Are you gonna' get ready or not?" he asked and I made a sound from my chest. He raised and eyebrow. "Did you just growl at me?"

"You're not the only one in the house that can growl, you know?"

He settled down lower on the bed. "Yeah I am," he said to me with a smirk and a wink.

Logan was the only man I had ever met who could be a sarcastic jerk and instead of it being a complete deal breaker, I found it oddly…endearing. He was Logan, all the good, all the bad and some how managed to charm his way though his flaws. Now that's what I call real talent.


	9. I Love It When It Rains

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, sadly, but hey, if Marvel's ever looking to just give some of their share away, I'm always open to freebies.

Sidenote: The thought of the X-Men playing baseball just cracked me up. Ya'll may not find it quite as funny as I did/still do, but I hope so. I was just missing playing softball at the time and wrote my own pinning into the story, I hope that's okay with ya'll and that you enjoy it! After this there's only one more chapter left and then I'm taking a break to write my own original stories, quite scary! Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

The next day's activities had to be canceled due to much needed rain that Storm had been adamant about letting happen on its own. We had moved the cookout inside, making it a cook-_in_ instead. Scott argued with me about it for five minutes before conceding, doing so only because Jean told him that I was right and that he was being childish. After eating from our 'cook-in', Logan and I went to the den to watch TV. 'Back To The Future' was on and I insisted that we watch it, because the two things you _have_ to do on the fourth of July is first of all; attempt to eat more food than humanly possible and second; watch at least one of the three 'Back To The Future' movies. When he asked why, I said that the first one was obvious and that the second one was because they _always_ play one of those movies during the holidays. He still didn't get it, but watch it with me anyway.

"Do you know how to play baseball?" I asked during the commercial break.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I've got a jones in my bones to play,"

"A jones in your bones?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm turning into my mother, whatever. Let's get some people together and play,"

"It's rainin'," he deadpanned.

"What, are you a weather man now? So what if it's raining, it'll make it all the more fun, right? Come on, please?" I asked, pouting my lips.

"All right, fine, I'll go talk to Scoot and see if he's got stuff to play with,"

"Yay, I'm happy now," I said with a smile, clapping my hands together.

He looked down at me after standing from the couch. "Really?"

"Yeah," I answered, standing up beside him.

"That's all it takes to make you happy, playin' some game outside?"

"Well...yeah, I haven't played in a long time and I feel really good today. I've heard like, ten voices altogether throughout the whole of the day, so I'm just feeling fantastic and really excited and like I should be outside doing something,"

He nodded his head at me. "All right, let's go talk to Scooter, then,"

"Come on Bobby, watch the ball, you got it!" I yelled to Bobby through the fence of the baseball field. Bobby was on my team and he was batting. He had a two-three count and there were two students on base; one of first, the other on third. Scott pitched and Bobby hit it, sending it to right field where a very surprised Storm was running to try to catch the ball.

There was just something amusing about watching a team of mutants who wore skintight leather suits and save the world for a living, be so bad at baseball. I guess when you're so good at so much; you have to eventually suck at something. Too bad for Scott that he seemed to have picked them.

"Nice hit Bobby, you got it, go to second!" I yelled as one of the students, Chris, ran home and got us another run. Bobby stopped at second as our last player on the field, Stephanie, ran home. We were officially ahead by four.

"Okay, Logan, it's your turn," I said, turning to Logan who was looking through the bats.

I was our team captain and had picked Logan as my first player. Everyone else assumed that I would, except for apparently Scott, who didn't realize the disadvantage to his team by me having an extremely strong, fast runner on mine.

Logan picked a bat and entered the cage, much to the cheers of the girls on_ both_ teams as well as the ones in the bleachers. After being out in the rain for nearly half and hour, his already tight T-shirt was clinging to every muscle on his chest. And let me tell you, that ain't not bad.

"Come on Logan, bring my husband home!" Rogue called from the stands, where she was sitting beside Professor Xavier underneath his large umbrella, with Joey in between them both, looking quite pleased with all of the excitement.

I chewed on the end of my lip as I watched Logan take the right side of the base and positioned himself to bat. Seeing that Storm would probably get another hit, one of the male students who was playing right center, switched with her.

Nearly all of the girls were catcalling him and he looked over at me and winked. It never ceased to amaze me that still after all those months, him winking at me still made my heart flutter.

"Bring Bobby in, come on, you got this one baby!" I yelled to him through the wire fence and everyone laughed. I wasn't very loud person usually, I would normally only yell when in an argument, but I believed in being very vocal when it came to sports, especially when it was my team.

"Stop yelling, I'm trying to concentrate!" Scott yelled to me from the pitching mound.

"It's not my fault that you suck at being a captain and don't have any team spirit," I called back, to which everyone laughed again.

"Are we playin' a game or not?" Logan asked, stepping back from the plate and looking at Scott then to me.

"Yeah," Scott said.

"Sorry," I apologized.

While Logan was looking away, Scott stuck his tongue out at me and I rolled my eyes. Yes, these were the people who were trying to save the world. Someone please help us.

Scott threw a perfect pitch and Logan, not allowed to use his full force, hit the ball. He knocked it right by Ororo, who caught it, but was so surprise by it, did a Charlie Brown and actually dropped the ball. By the time she got it in, Bobby had run home and Logan was on third.

"Nice hit Logan," I called. "Who's up next?"

"It's your turn darlin',"

"Oh, right," I said, grabbing a bat and entering the field.

"You said that I was a bad captain, I at least know my own team's lineup," Scott said to me.

"Stop being mean to me," I said with a smile, pushing my wet hair from my eyes, where it had plastered to my face from the still falling rain.

"Come on Layla, you hit this and we're six ahead," Bobby called to me.

"Right, no pressure, thanks," I joked, stepping into the batter's box.

Scott pitched, too low; ball one. Another pitch, another ball, outside. Third pitch, looks like a ball, strike one. One more pitch and it looks perfect. I swing, make contact and hit it right over Scott's head and right past the student he picked to play shortstop. As it passed by Storm, it dropped and rolled to the fence. I never ran so fast in my entire life. I was running home, I was nearly there when Scott reached to throw the ball to his hind catcher, Sean. I wasn't going to make it if I kept running the way that I was, it wasn't fast enough, so, being the '_smart_' person that I am, attempted to do something that I hadn't done in years; I slid into home base. Sadly, it wasn't fast enough either as Sean both stood on the base and tagged my leg with the ball, just in case. I stood from the ground; I was covered in mud and out of breath.

"Sorry Miss Jameson, that _was _a nice slide, though," Sean apologized, tossing the ball back to Scott.

"Don't be sorry, you're supposed to get me out," I said. "Good play,"

"Thanks,"

After that, one of my players, Allison, struck out and it was our turn to take the field. Scott's team was better at batting and running than fielding, so they quickly caught up with us. At the end of our seven innings, the rain was still going as Scott's team won nineteen to fifteen. Once everything had been found and packed up, everyone went inside, except for me.

"Hey, don't you wanna' go in and dry off?" Logan asked me once he realized I was no longer following him to the house.

"No, I think I'm going to stay out her for a little while longer,"

He walked back to me and placed his hand on my cheek. "I'm sorry we didn't win," he said.

"I don't care about winning," I said, moving his hand and kissing it. "I just wanted to play. I had fun, I miss doing this kind of stuff since I've grown up,"

"What kind of stuff?"

"Throwing together a game of baseball and playing out in the rain. It's like the older I get, I lose track of having fun. But today has been fantastic, getting wet and muddy and everything else has been…" I said, thinking for the right word letting out a sigh. "Kind of therapeutic, I guess,"

"I'm glad you had fun then,"

"Thank you for being a good sport and not charging the field to kill Scott when he accidentally hit me with the ball,"

"I wanted to,"

"I know you did, that's why I'm so proud of you,"

He picked up the black cross from the necklace he had given me so many months before. "Are you gonna' stop wearin' this when you don't need 'em anymore?"

"No, because you gave it to me and I'm never going to stop needing you,"

He leaned down and kissed me. "I could get used to that," he smirked.

I smiled up at him, watching the rain drip from the end of his nose. "Good, because you couldn't squirm your way out of it if you wanted,"

"Well, it's a good thing I don't want to then, isn't it?" he said, pushing the hair from my eyes. "You're so beautiful,"

I smiled at him and blushed. "Thank you,"

"I mean it darlin', you are,"

"I believe you,"

He kissed my forehead. "You're beautiful and you're mine," he whispered.

"I've always belonged to you, it just took me a little longer than you to figure it out," I said. "Thank you for waiting on me."

"You're worth it baby, you're always worth it," he murmured against my forehead.

There were those few tender moments with Logan that made my heart melt. He was always nice to me but there were times when he could be so sweet, almost out of character sweet, and I cherished those times with him because I knew that I was the only one to witness his actions. I was the only one he let his guard down for, the only person whom he felt completely comfortable around to be his whole self, to say how he felt and that knowledge meant more to me than anything he could ever say. I loved him, with every fiber of my being. I'm not sure I fully understood what people meant by that when they would say it, but when I was with Logan, I got it. Everything inside of me, every part of my body, it all came alive at the thought of Logan and the first time it happened, I knew I was in love with him, and every time it happened since then only confirmed it for me further.

* * *

It didn't take Logan long to talk me into going inside to take a hot shower. While I was in my room showering, Logan went to his. When I was through, he was already in bed watching TV.

"What are we watching?" I asked, climbing in beside him and laying against his chest.

I love the feeling of just getting out of the shower and climbing into bed. It always feels so warm and comfortable.

"The Great Escape," he said and I raised a questioning eyebrow. "Steven McQueen,"

"Never seen it,"

"We gotta' get you caught up, darlin',"

I laughed. "I'll take a day to watch your movies if you take a day to watch mine.

"Like what?"

"Steal Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes, all the good ones," He let out a strangled growl. "If I have to watch all your western, action movies, then you have to watch all of my southern, romantic movies,"

"What about a southern action movie, I could do that,"

"Nope, no compromises," I watched the movie as solders pulled themselves on a makeshift pulley through an underground tunnel. "What are they doing?"

"Escaping,"

"Which would explain the name," I laughed. We were quiet for a while, just watching the TV as he played with my hair. "Have you ever…"

"Have I ever what?"

"Promise not to make fun of me?"

"I'll try,"

"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically. "Have you ever wished you had wings?"

"Why, you wantin' to fly away or something?"

I turned and looked up at him. "Not right now," I said, letting out a sigh. "But I have before, yeah. Wouldn't it be nice to just be up in the sky, above the clouds, no sound, nothing but you and the sun up there?"

"And airplanes," he joked.

"I would go somewhere without planes,"

"If that's what you want, then I wanna' be there with you too,"

"Good, I would be lonely without you,"

"He wouldn't miss you though, because he doesn't care for you like you do for him. You're stupid to think that he could. He doesn't want an attachment like you; you're too clingy. He needs to be free, everyone knows that, but you force yourself on him still. Just let him go, stop bothering him and don't ask him anymore stupid questions," I heard a voice in my head say loudly.

I shook my head, trying to shake the thought from my mind.

"You all right?" Logan asked, looking down at me concerned.

"Yeah, it's just a little bit loud up here," I said, tapping a finger to the side of my head. "It should calm down in a little bit, though."

He cupped my face in his hand. "I wanna' know how you feel,"

"No, trust me, you don't,"

"Yeah I do, I hate not knowin' what you're goin' though,"

"It's not fun, I wouldn't wish for anyone to go through this, especially you,"

He wrapped his arms around me as he pulled me closer to him and it felt as though he were trying to meld our bodies together, trying to make me part of him. I took in the feeling of his arms holding me, the smell of his cologne, the rhythm of his chest as it would rise and fall with his steady breathing and prayed that no matter what happened to me in the future, to let me be able to remember that time for as long as I lived. I knew there was no such thing as perfect, but that was about as close to perfection as there could ever be.

* * *

I woke up and rolled over, expecting to see Logan beside me, but he wasn't. A quick glance at the clock proved it to be nearly seven in the morning. I sat up and saw that there was a note on his pillow. I then picked it up and opened it.

"Layla,

Had to run out for something, be back before breakfast, go back to sleep,

Love you,

Logan,"

I smiled and pressed the note against my chest as I slid back down into my bed. What in the world was so important that he had to run out at six in the morning to get?

I curled up in bed and wrapped the covers all around me. It took me a while to get used to sharing a bed with someone; I liked to spread myself out like a starfish when I slept. Logan wasn't exactly shy about kicking back and making himself comfortable in bed, either. To begin with, we would usually fall asleep together and wake up with an elbow in each other's ribs. Then we slowly became used to each other and stopped beating one another while we slept. Then as I lay there, I realize that I've not only gotten used to having him there beside me, but the bed feels lonely without him and I miss him.

The sun had yet to pour itself through my window and so there was only a small blue light of the early summer morning shining through. The temperature was perfect with the air conditioner on and being wrapped up in my blankets, it was a comfortable warmth that I wish Logan was there to curl up to and share it with. There was only a fuzz of noise in my head and everything out in the hall was quiet. There was a calm and I slowly ebbed back to sleep. When I next woke, Logan was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow, looking down at me. I smiled up at him and let out a sigh.

"You're back," I stated, my voice still groggy with sleep.

"Yeah," he said simply.

"Where did you go?"

"I had to go get something,"

"What?" I asked and he quirked an eyebrow down at me. "Oh, come on, tell me,"

"I can't,"

"Now you sound like me," I joked and the faintest of smiles danced across his lips. "Why can't you tell me?"

"'Cause it'll spoil the surprise,"

"What surprise?"

"Now, I can't tell you that either darlin',"

"When are you going to surprise me then?"

"If I told you that then it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?"

"But what if I want it right now?" I asked, faking a pout. He didn't respond, he only dropped his head and lowered his lips to mine, giving me a kiss. "Do I get it now then?"

"You have to wait," he said, whispering into my ear. He raised his head and smirked at me. Condemn that smirk to Hell because I will do nearly anything he say when I see it.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Okay, fine,"

He kissed my cheek and then let out a low growl when there was a knock at the door. "What do you want?" he barked.

"Well, uh…are you busy?" I heard Scott sheepishly ask from outside and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah, go away,"

"Logan, be nice," I said. "You can come in Scott,"

The door opened slowly and Scott stuck his head through the crack. "I have to go down to Jonesborough, Tennessee,"

"Good for you, do you need someone to hold your hand while you're there?" Logan asked sarcastically.

"No, I came to ask Layla if she knew where it was at,"

"Have you never heard of a map?"

"Yes I have, but guess what? You're going with me, so suit up,"

Logan let out another growl but stood from the bed and went to the closet to get his uniform. "How long's this gonna' take?" he asked.

"We're hoping just a week," Scott answered, pushing the door open further and stepping into the room. "Do you happen to know where Jonesborough is, by any chance?"

"Yeah, I do actually," I said, sitting up in bed. "It's just outside of Johnson City while is above Knoxville,"

"Above where?" he asked with a slight smile.

"If you're making fun of how I say Knoxville, then you can just get over it. I'm from the south and that's how most of us say it," I said. I pronounced 'Knoxville' 'Knoxvulle' and was only teased about it when I was in the north. Yankees.

"I wasn't make fun of you, I was just clarifying what you said," he lied, he smile spreading wider. "How far away from Johnson City is it?"

"About twenty minutes I guess, depending on where you're at. I always went up instead of down, so I'm not sure how that'll work out for you, but it shouldn't take too long."

"All right, well, I've got to go put on my uniform and get the jet ready, so I'll see you later, thanks,"

"Okay, you're welcome; see you in a bit,"

He let me with a smile as he walked back into the hall and shut the door behind him.

"I can get outta' this if you want me to?" Logan said, waiting in the doorway of the bathroom holding his uniform.

"No, I'm okay now, you can go,"

"Scooter said we're gonna' be gone for a week, probably longer with as slow as he is,"

I gave him a smile. "You would stay here and give up going out there and fighting bad guys? The only thing that you've hit in like, three months had been the punching bag. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you a slightly aggressive man who likes to take his anger out on things? And aside from that, you've barely left my side since you had to come home early from your last mission; you're a guy, I want you to spend time with other guys or you're going to go crazy. I'm already there; I don't want my little Wolvie to have to fight for his sanity, too,"

"You're not crazy darlin', and I don't care that I spend all of my time with you,"

"Maybe, but you have to admit that you would like to fight someone in spite of having to leave me here for a few days," I said.

He ran his hand back through his hair, his thought lines appearing on his forehead. "Who's gonna' watch out for you?"

"Well, I'm doing good, you know that, but if you want someone to keep an eye on me then Jean and the Professor can keep track of me at night. How's that?" I said and he raised an unsure eyebrow at me. "Okay, I admit it; I'm just trying to get you to leave so I can have the bed all to myself again,"

He knew I was only joking and he laughed. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you need this,"

"I don't like leavin' you, though,"

"Well, you can call me whenever you miss me and remember; it's only supposed to be a week,"

"I don't know,"

"Look, if you don't want to go, don't go, but don't not go just because of me, don't let me hold you back from doing something you want,"

"You're not,"

"Yeah, but I feel like I am. I feel like I stop you from doing a lot of things, I don't want you to give up your life just because of me,"

"I didn't give up my life Layla, you're it,"

I smiled and felt a small blush creep across my cheeks. "You had a life before me, certainly?"

"I didn't care too much for it,"

I stood and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around him to his back, I hugged him. I placed a kiss on the spot where his neck met his shoulder and he let out a low growl. I felt it rumble through him and then end with a sigh. "I love you Logan, I honestly don't know how to tell you any other way than that. You mean so much to me, you've taken care of me through everything but I want you to take care of yourself now, okay?"

"How's goin' on a mission with Scooter takin' care of myself?" he asked.

"You get to hit things and use your claws, but not on Scott mind you, and I know that makes you happy, and doing something that makes you happy is going to keep you from getting tense and going crazy, hence taking caring of yourself," I said, looking up at him. "Do you remember last Thanksgiving when you threw Bobby from the balcony into the swimming pool?"

"Yeah," he said, blinking down at me.

"I don't want you to be stuck up in here until you're ready to actually _kill _Bobby or Scott or any of the other guys. Go out and get some bad guys instead, yeah?"

He let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, alright,"

"Okay, go put on your uniform and then I'll walk down to the jet with you and see you and Scott off,"

He leaned down and skimmed his lips against mine before kissing me. "Oh, I'm gonna' miss you darlin'," he breathed against my mouth.

"I know, I'm going to miss you too, but it's only a week,"

True, it was only a week, but looking at it in time, a week had never looked so long.

Once Logan had changed and packed some of his things together, we walked down to the jet. The Professor, Dr. Grey and Scott, also in uniform, were already there and waiting. Jean was telling Scott goodbye and Logan threw his bag over by his. He then grabbed me and pulled me to him, hugging me.

"If you need anything, or need someone to talk you outta' something, I want you to call me, all right? I don't care what time it is, if it's three in the mornin' and you wanna' talk, call me,"

"I will, I promise," I said, pulling back some so that I could look up into his eyes. "You too, you know? If you want to talk I want you to call me,"

He nodded his head. "Okay," he said, placing a kiss in my hair.

"And here, I want you to take this," I said, pulling a small cross necklace over my head.

"Baby, I can't take that, you need it,"

"I've got three others on right now and the rest are in my room if I need anymore," I said, slipping it on around his neck and tucking it in underneath the collar of his uniform. "It'll take care of you for me and bring you home safely,"

"I thought that was Scooter's job?" he asked with a bit of a smirk.

"Yeah, well, sometimes people need a little bit of help with their jobs and I don't want to take any chances with you,"

"You ready Logan?" Scott asked, walking over to us.

He let out a frustrated sigh and looked over at him. "Yeah,"

"Alright, let's go then," he said, patting him on the back and walking to the entrance of the jet.

I stepped onto my tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Don't get annoyed with him just yet; you've got to be able to work with him still,"

"I know,"

"Okay, be careful, I love you,"

He dropped his lips to mine and gave me a kiss. "I love you too Layla, just…don't do anything while I'm gone, all right?"

"I won't, don't worry about me, I'm going to be okay,"

He hugged me and gave me another kiss before joining Scott on the ramp.

"Bye Layla," Scott said. "We'll see you when we get back from 'Knoxvulle',"

"You know, I don't think it's a wise idea to be making fun of me when you're going to be locked up in a jet with my boyfriend," I smirked. "Just a thought, though,"

"He won't kill me,"

"And why are you so sure of this?" I asked.

"He doesn't know how to fly the jet; I do,"

I laughed. "That is a very good point. Ya'll take care of yourselves, be good and try to get along for just a little while, yeah?"

"We will, bye,"

I waved at them. "Bye," I said, watch them both turn to walk up the ramp. "Oh and Logan?"

"Yeah?" he asked, turning back quickly to look at me. I'm sure he thought that there was something wrong and the look on his face seemed to show sure of it.

I smiled at him. "Your butt looks _fantastic_ in that uniform," I said with a wink. That got a smirk out of him.

"Let's hit it Summers," he said, smacking Scott on the back, only much harder than Scott had him earlier.

"How is it that we managed to fall in love with the two most immature men on the planet?" Dr. Grey asked me after we had seen the jet off and were making our way back to the upper levels.

"Must be their devilish good looks and boyish charm," I laughed. "They're not too terrible each of them by themselves; it's just when you put them together that they get so unruly,"

"Unfortunately for everyone else, they are together for a great deal of time," Professor Xavier said as he wheeled beside us down the hall.

"Couldn't you interfere with them somehow and make them get along?" I asked.

"Not without them knowing about it, I'm afraid," he answered.

"Oh well, I suppose I would miss it if they were to really stop bickering," I said.

"You would?" Jean asked.

"You have to admit, it is slightly entertaining at times,"

"Only at times," she smiled.


	10. The End

Disclaimer: If you don't know it by now, I don't own them.

Sidenote: The lyrics are to matchbox20's 'Unwell' which I wasn't going to call it because I thought it was a bit obvious, but while I was waiting to think of a another song title to call it, I heard this song on the radio like, five different times in one day, and so I knew that I was meant to name it this. Anyway, this is the last chapter and I hope ya'll have enjoyed it. After this, I'm taking a break and let's be honest, I need it; this and my last story haven't exactly been fantastic and I think I just need to pause a bit and read some, perhaps write some of my own original stuff for a while. Please don't forget about me while I'm gone, I will be back. Enjoy!

* * *

The week was hard. I hadn't really realized what it was going to be like without Logan there with me. It was ridiculous when I thought about it; he was only a person, why did it hurt so badly for him to just be away for a week. Yes, though my head knew he was going to be back soon, my heart ached for him to be there right then. We spoke nearly every night before I would go to bed, but it still wasn't enough. I was missing something bigger than someone to cuddle with in order to get to sleep, bigger than someone with whom I swapped sarcastic banter everyday, with him being gone it was as though there was a part of me missing, a huge part and during that week I realized just how much I genuinely loved him. I had never felt such overwhelming emotions for anyone and without him; storm clouds seemed to follow me, casting their rain of sadness down upon me, making me ache to see him. It was during that time that I knew there would never be another man like him and he was truly, without a shadow of a doubt, the absolute love of my life.

* * *

"How are you feeling today, Layla?" Professor Xavier asked me.

I was sitting outside in the garden reading on one of the benches. Logan and Scott had been gone for nine days, I hadn't heard from them in two, and I was trying to keep my mind from wondering about what could possibly have happened that they wouldn't be able to contact me.

"I'm uh…I'm doing alright, just trying to keep myself busy," I said with a weak smile.

"And how is that working?" he asked, stopping his wheel chair in front of me.

"Not so well, actually. What could be keeping them this long in Tennessee?"

"The jet broke down, Scott's doing his best to try to fix it as soon as possible, but it's been quite difficult. However, I do believe that he and Logan will return home very soon,"

I let out a sigh of relief. "Good, I'm glad they're okay," I said. "Why haven't they called, though?"

"I'm afraid that the communicating devices have been shut down while they are working on the repairs," he answered with a kind smile. "I thought you should know so that you wouldn't worry,"

"Well thank you, sir, I appreciate it," I said, idly playing with one of the crosses around my neck.

"You're welcome," he nodded. "I've been meaning to ask you; how is your medication working?"

"Well…really well, actually, I'm happy with how everything's working and going and I'm excited about getting better."

"I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you for getting help; I know that when it's such a private matter it can be hard to ask for it,"

"I didn't really ask for help, Logan sort of forced me into it," I said with a small smile.

"Perhaps, but you willfully accepted it when it was given to you. I am extremely proud of how hard you have worked not only to get through your illness but also to learn to accept your brother's death. I know that both have been incredibly difficult for you and I want you to know that you are coming through this with all of your dignity. No one thinks any less of you, if anything, they think more, and I know that Logan think very highly of you and how well you're coming through all of this,"

"Thank you Professor, I needed that right about now," I smiled, wiping at a couple of the tears that were streaking down my cheek. "I uh…I don't think that I could have made it this far without living here. Ya'll have done so much for me; you've all helped me out and have gone out of your way to take care of me when I needed it. I owe so much to ya'll, I mean you've always been there for me, even when I was just going to school here. I want you to know that I really appreciate everything that you and everyone else have done for me and I love you guys,"

He reached out to hug me. "We all love you too and you don't own any of us anything; we are more than happy to help you in any way possible,"

"How do you stay so optimistic about everything?" Though I didn't actually come right out and say it, he knew that I meant about his being in a wheel chair.

"My limitations as a human do not define me as a person," he began as he let go of me and I sat up to look at him. "There are times when my mind wished that I could stand and walk away from this chair, but I know that I can do no more to help my students if I were capable of using my legs than I am now. None of us are perfect, we are all flawed in our own ways and it's only when we let our imperfections and flaws stand in the way and separate us from what we are meant to do that they become a burden. There is nothing that can hold us back from obtaining what we desire, except for ourselves,"

"You're a great man and I know you'll be blessed for taking care of all of us they way that you have,"

"I already have been; taking care of you all _is_ my blessing," he smiled.

I smiled back at him. "You're a pretty cool guy, Chuck,"

He laughed. "I should probably argue that, but instead, I'll just say thank you,"

"You're welcome,"

We spoke a little longer, about various things, just keeping the mood light. I know that he would have liked to have spoken more on how I was coping with it all; however, I also knew that he didn't want to force me into it when I didn't feel like it. I had a hard time talking about myself and he knew that, so he allowed us to move on in our conversation.

After nearly half an hour, he excused himself and left the garden. Feeling too alone without him to talk to, I went up to my room. I watched a bit of TV, read some more of my book and cleaned up the room. After picking up around five each of Logan's flannel shirts and wife beaters from the floor, I became saddened by his absence and decided to take a shower and put on one of his clean flannel shirts to sleep in, so that I might cheer myself up some.

Not feeling like washing my hair, I pulled it up and out of my face. When I got out, I dressed myself in a pair of track pants, a black wife beater and then one of Logan's shirts. Once I was finished, I looked at myself in the mirror. I had changed and believed it was for the better. I was different and for the first time in my life, realized that it was okay. I wasn't just like everyone else, I was never going to be and still I had people who loved me. I wondered why I, or anyone else, could get so fixated on trying to please everyone else, we forget to do what makes us happy and we lose track of ourselves? Our identities are not etched into stone as soon as we are born, we work hard and strive to make something for us to be able to hold up and say, 'This is who I am, what I do and I am proud of it all'. Something that I had learned over time from the people in my life was that mistakes are not blemishes on your record but merely proof that you were, at one or more points in your life, not scared to reach for what you wanted.

I stood there in front of the mirror as a twenty-four year old woman on the outside, but on the inside, I was older and very much so. My mind and heart had aged considerably since meeting Logan. He challenged me in ways that I had never imagined anyone capable of doing, forcing me to see me instead of hiding behind something, which I had always done without realizing. I was a victim because I was a mutant, my family didn't accept everything about me, my brother died, I was sick. He was the first and only person to grab me, shake me and tell me to stop making excuses for why I was who I was and if people didn't like me, screw them. Before him, it wasn't only for people to think bad about me, I didn't want to disappoint anyone, but always felt that I did. The Professor once told me when I was younger that 'You don't care so much about what people think about you, when you know how little they do'. It took Logan to drive that point home for me.

I believe that people come into our lives for reasons, whether they are good or bad, and they all change our lives somehow, even if it's in some small way. I also believe that nothing is chance, that it's all meant and I believe most of all that Logan was meant to be in my life so that he could find me and show me who I was and who I could be.

I let out a loud sigh; another day had come and gone without Logan and I wondered what he was doing. I bet that he was tired and probably irritated with having to spend so much time in such a small space with Scott. I just hoped they could go without killing each other long enough to come home.

I left the bathroom, turning off the light on my way out and when I looked up, I saw Logan sitting on our bed. I ran to him and hugged me. "Oh, I missed you!" I said, running my hands across his back.

"I missed you too darlin'," he breathed in my ear.

"How long have you been home?" I asked, pulled back to look at him.

"About twenty minutes," he told me, pulling me down to his lips so he could kiss me.

"Why…didn't…you tell me…you were…here?" I asked between kisses.

"You were in…the…shower,"

"But I haven't seen you in over a week, I missed you," I said, nuzzling my nose against his.

He ran his hand across my cheek. "I know, I wanted to surprise you, though," he smirked.

"Well it worked and it was a very…good…surprise," I said, placing kisses along his jaw line.

"Speakin' of which, I promised you a surprise before I left,"

"Yes you did, so do I get it now?"

"I want you to sit down first,"

I sat down beside him. "Okay, now what?"

He kissed me. "I love you, Layla,"

I smiled. "I love you, too,"

"I wanna' take care of you, whether you're sick or not, I don't care, you know that, right?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah,"

"The first time I saw you, I thought you were beautiful and I knew I wanted you," he said and placed his hand back on my cheek. "You remember that mornin' when you asked me what I wanted out of us and I told you I just wanted you to be happy? That's really what I want, I wanna' make you happy,"

"You do, Logan,"

"But I want you to be as happy as you can,"

My heart sped up and my mind was reeling. Was he actually doing what I thought he was? "I don't understand, are you…breaking up with me?"

He hung his hand and then looked back up at me. "No darlin', I'm not, I'm…" he said and then let out a loud sigh, like he didn't know what to say next.

"I'm confused; you're what?" I asked, staring into his eyes, trying to understand what he was saying to me so that I might be able to help him out some.

He swore. "I'm tryin' to tell you that I want you to merry me,"

"I don't…I uh…what? I mean, could you just repeat that real quickly?"

"You're killin' me baby," he said, standing and walking over to his leather jacket that was lying in the chair by the window. I hadn't touched it since he had left and so when he pulled out a small box from the inside pocket, I was completely surprised. He brought it back over to the bed and stood in front of me. "I ain't gonna' let anyone else have you, you're mine and I want everyone else to know it,"

"You want _me_ to merry _you_?" I asked slowly, in slight shock. I had never expected Logan to propose, but sure enough, there he was, standing above me and looking more nervous than I had ever seen him. He just looked down at me and nodded. "Why? I mean, not that I don't want to, but why me? You could have your pick of any woman, not just some crazed psych-ward escapee,"

He took me by the shoulders and pulled me up to face him. "You're what I want, all of you, I don't want anyone else Layla, I want _you_,"

"Okay,"

"Okay?"

"Yeah," I said as I smiled at him. "Yes, I'll merry you."

He opened the box, pulled out the ring and tossed the case onto the bed. "I think it'll fit," he said, slipping it onto my finger with ease.

"It fits perfectly," I said, looking down at it. "Are those…"

"Crosses? Yeah, it was the only one I could find like it,"

The ring was beautiful; it had one large diamond in the middle, then two crosses on either side of it, connecting to two more, smaller diamonds.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love it, thank you,"

"You're welcome," he said, kissing a trail up my neck and to my mouth. "Are you surprised?"

I let out a small laugh. "A little bit, yeah,"

"A good one?" he smirked.

"Well…" I said jokingly and he cocked an eyebrow at me. "It was the best surprise I've ever gotten from anyone and I love you,"

"I know you do,"

I let out a loud laugh. "Arrogant much?" I asked sarcastically.

"Love you, too,"

"I know you do," I smirked as he pulled me closer to him. I leaned into his body and closed my eyes. He places a kiss on my closed eyelids and I let out a happy sigh. "You make me better,"

"You're perfect, you can't get any better," he whispered to me.

"No, you make me get better. I don't hear things when I'm with you, I like you for that," I said, opening my eyes to see him smiling at me.

"I like you too,"

Logan and I planned our wedding and by the end of August, we were married. I started the new school year as a healthy new wife and teacher. The Professor knew that I was having a hard time deciding on whether I wanted to go back to work as an RN and offered me a job instead, teaching Biology. I accepted and felt much more comfortable as a teacher than a nurse. Though it was still what I loved, I couldn't force myself back into it. While Logan and I were doing a bit of 'research' for class, I became pregnant. It's a girl and she's due on Ben's birthday. Even though she's not born yet, she already has Logan wrapped around her little finger.

* * *

Although sleep isn't usually much of a problem for me anymore, tonight's different and for some reason, I just can't sleep. I lie here watching Logan and feel safe with his hand resting lovingly on my stomach. He means a lot to me and I am _so_ fortunate to have him as my husband and best friend. He's been so incredibly supportive and I know that if I wake him up right now and tell him that I want ice cream and doughnuts, he wouldn't hesitate to jump up, get dressed and go get them for me. But I don't. I just let him sleep and watch him.

There are still times when I'm stressed out and tired when I can hear a voice or two inside me head, telling me that Logan doesn't love me and that I'm going to be a bad mother. But then I talk it out with Logan and he makes me feel better because he always reassures me that I'm going to be a good mother and that if nothing else, he loves me more than anyone has ever been loved. One look into his eyes, touch of his hand, taste of his kiss, and I know that it's true, no doubt at all; only complete trust. It's hard and we have to work at it everyday, but because we love each other it, it's worth it.

The alarm clock goes off but it takes nearly a minute before Logan sleepily gropes around behind his head until he hits the clock. After a few seconds of not finding the sleep button, I hear the distinct 'snikt' sound of one of his claws before he impales it into the clock. The alarm stops. He retracts his hand and looks at me with heavy, sleep laden eyes.

"You do know there's an 'off' button, right? That's the third one we've gone through in the past five months," I say to him as he pulls himself closer to me.

"What're you gonna' do about it?" he asks, kissing my neck.

I let out a sigh. "Nothing, I suppose,"

"You know you're beautiful, right?" he asks as he nuzzles his nose to my neck.

I smile. "Well, I believe you think I am," I answer.

"It's true," he says and then lowers his eyes to look into mine. He pushes the hair from my eyes and leaves his hand on my cheek. And as though he's been reading my mind, he tells me, "Everyone's gonna' be okay, you're gonna' be alright, the baby's gonna' be alright, I'm always gonna' take care of you, okay?"

I nod my head at him slowly, not breaking eye contact. "As long as you're here, we're going to be just fine."

There are things that I've done in my life that I'm not proud of, I've made mistakes and I pay for them every day. There are things that have happened beyond my control that I wish I could have stopped, but I wasn't capable of doing so. Then there are things that have happened to me that shouldn't have. Because they are things that seem too good for them to be mine. I've been through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and scaled the Mountain of the Living. I have survived every storm that has come my way and have come out better for having do so. I realize that without all of the lows, I would never be able to appreciate all of the highs. I get through every new challenge by facing them all the same; though it may be difficult to get through at the time, I will always come through it stronger and smarter. I believe that we are never given more than we can handle, we just have to learn how to cope with it and in some strange way, I feel flattered to have been given such burdens because that means that I'm a strong person. I know that whatever Hell has brought me today, Heaven will deliver me from tomorrow and _that_ is what keeps me going.

The End

_All day  
Staring at the ceiling  
Making friends with shadows on my wall  
All night  
Hearing voices telling me  
That I should get some sleep  
Because tomorrow might be good for something  
Hold on  
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a  
Breakdown  
I don't know why _

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be  
Me _

_Talking to myself in public  
Dodging glances on the train  
I know  
I know they've all been talking 'bout me  
I can hear them whisper  
And it makes me think there must be something wrong  
With me  
Out of all the hours thinking  
Somehow  
I've lost my mind _

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me  
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired  
I know right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be _

_I been talking in my sleep  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me  
Yeah, they're taking me away _

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me.  
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired  
I know, right now you don't care  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
And how I used to be.  
Hey, how I used to be  
How I used to be, yeah  
Well I'm just a little unwell  
How I used to be  
How I used to be  
_


End file.
